Theo
Asher stood in the doorway of my bedroom, clearly nervous to cross the threshold, so I walked over, took his hand in mine, and led him to the bed.
“Sit down. Just chill, okay?”
Asher nodded his head, his shoulders scrunched up and tense. How could I convince him that it was okay? That he didn’t need to feel weird about staying with me?
I stood before him, trying to think of something to say. My hands were firmly planted in my jeans’ back pockets. If I didn’t put them somewhere, I might do something weird like pull him into my chest and hold him again.
I finally found something to say. “Is it cool that I’m putting your stuff away?”
Asher shook his head, blinking like he’d been lost somewhere before he said, “Yeah! Totally. Thank you. I’m sorry,” he rose to start unpacking, “I should help.”
He went to reach for something in his duffle, and I stopped him by clasping his hand in mine. Again. “No, I want you to chill. Okay?”
He looked at me, his green eyes radiant and shimmering. Did they always look like that? Maybe they looked a deeper shade of green because of the crying. They were like two emeralds staring at me, and I couldn’t stop looking at them.
The greenish hue started pulling me closer. Their allure was almost impossible to resist. Asher’s hand in mine felt correct.
It all felt right. His presence in that room with me, rather than in that awful place, felt like things were clicking into place, and the world was righting itself.
Oh my God.
I laughed awkwardly, and he did too. Our hands parted, and he began smoothing out his hair with his hand.
“Thanks,” he said. “I feel bad. I should help.”
“Nah! I got it!” I busied myself with putting his stuff away because my heart rate had accelerated to a near-fatal pace. I made sure to face my drawers and wardrobe and not him, which just made the atmosphere in the room even heavier.
I needed to find something to say.Got it!“Hey, I gotta tell you something.”
Asher, sitting on the bed, rubbing his hands over his thighs, looked up at me. My eyes stopped falling into the green of his and zeroed in on the bruises. The rage from before began bubbling inside me, but I turned it off with some deep breathing. “Do you need more Tylonel?” I asked.
“Huh?” he asked. “Oh, no, I’m good. Your mom gave me some.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m good.”
Silence. Fuck what was I supposed to say?
“I feel like what you wanted to tell me didn’t involve Tylonel,” he said with a smirk.
Right!“Sorry. I—” I stopped because I needed to think through this. How would Asher react if I told him I paid his PCSHL deposit? Things had changed since the last time I tried to tell him. Now, he was sitting in my room with a busted face, and feeling awkward because he had this asinine notion that he was putting me out. Okay. Shift in strategy. “So, PCSHL…”
He immediately stiffened and looked down at his hands, “Dude, don’t worry about that. You need to play. It’s an amazing opportunity, and I don’t want you to feel weird or something because I’m staying with you.”
“You’re playing, too,” I blurted out.
His eyes shot up, widening as he let the words sink in. “Please don’t tell me you paid the deposit.”
I knew he’d react that way. The impulse to shake him and tell him it was okay to ask for help was palpable, but he’d been through enough for one evening. I sat next to him on the bed, bracing myself for his reaction. “Look. I thought it was fucked up that there weren’t ways to waive the fee, so I emailed them and asked about it. They replied, saying that thereisa way, but they just don’t advertise it.” I felt awful lying to him, but I was afraid he’d make me call them and ask for the deposit back if he knew I paid it. “They said they just need proof that the deposit would be a financial hardship. So…so, I forwarded the financial aid letter you sent my mom, and they confirmed that it was adequate.” Asher was silent. Actually, he was frozen. “Plus, you know, you’re living here now, so you won’t have to work as much. My folks would much rather you play than work at the restaurants. I’m sure of it.”
Silence.
Fuck!My gut started to coil, waiting for the tongue-lashing he’d give me, but it didn’t come. He just stared at me.
“You did that for me?” He asked.
