Right.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. My emotions were all over the place—probably because I drank too much. I always woke up a little sad when I drank too much the night before.
That’s what it was. It was just the come down from a night of partying.
I turned over and faced the wall, closing my eyes to get a little more sleep.
But I couldn’t.
I tossed and turned, readjusting my pillow over and over to try to get comfortable.
It wasn’t until I spooned a pillow, pretending it was Asher, that I finally fell asleep.
Chapter 8
Asher (Present Day)
“You have to live somewhere else.”
My mother’s voice ricocheted in my eardrums like a bullet. I couldn’t live somewhere else because I didn’t have any money. Summer was around the corner, and I’d just assumed I would go home because Mom was single. She usually liked to borrow money from me when she didn’t have a boyfriend around. So, I figured she’d want me there to mooch off of. I hated her, but I had the strength to stomach her in a one-on-one scenario, especially if it was temporary.
But apparently, Louie had moved back in, which meant my presence wasn’t welcome.
I cursed myself for not saving more money, but I just couldn’t. I spent my entire freshman year studying and practicing hockey. The work study job I had at the library barely covered the basics.
The thought of getting an off-campus job crossed my mind, but Coach required us to attend practice during the off-season. Between the constant training and my course load, I didn’t have time. The only reason Callahan was a possibility for mewas because of the generous scholarships I’d received, and one of those was a merit-based scholarship that required me to maintain a 3.30 GPA.
Fear and anger washed over me. I was angry at myself because I should have anticipated something like this. Of course, my mother was being a fucking asshole right before I was supposed to move back home for the summer. I thought I’d just move in and we’d silently coexist, just as we had before I left. Mom was single then, so she just ignored me.
But now, she had Louie back in her life. All of my mom’s boyfriends were awful, but Louie was by far the worst. Naturally, that’s the one she reconnected with.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I don’t have any money, Mom.”
There was an audible groan on the other end of the phone. “What about that cash you saved up last summer? You’re telling me you spent all of that? What, are you on drugs or something?”
No, Mom. You’re the one on drugs.“I had to buy a laptop and pay my student contribution, and also finance every other expense.” I couldn’t contain the edge in my tone, and Mom took notice.
“Hey! Don’t you give me shit! I’m your mother!” Her gravely voice bellowed out of my phone, causing me to pull the thing away from my ear. “I had to use my money to support myselfandyour sorry ass. That was my money.Mine.” Mom was drunk. I could always tell when she had been drinking. You’d never know because she could bluff with the best of them, but her belligerence was a sure sign that she had been drinking.
Mom’s indifference towards me was a fact I learned toaccept early on. She just…didn’t love me. She was also a conservative asshole, so her suspicion that I was gay only added to her belief that I was a worthless pain in her ass. It’s not as if she were especially religious or anything like that. She was just bitter and hateful and found a home with the political right.
Even before Mom suspected me of being gay, she didn’t love me.
Mom cut off ties with everyone in her family, but they’d been around long enough for me to ask Grandma why she hated me so much. Grandma sighed and said that Mom just wasn’t meant to be a mother. Grandma and Pap made her keep me when she got pregnant, and she’d resented them and me for it ever since.
Once Mom cut ties with her folks, she kept me away from them as punishment. She made sure her parents never got to see the grandchild they forced her to have.
Grandma and Pap died when I was thirteen, so I couldn’t even try to reconnect and live with them during the summer break. My eyes closed as the throbbing in my head intensified. Talking to my mother was quite literally painful. It hurt my heart, and that pain permeated the rest of my body as the conversation continued.
I needed a plan. Asking for help was so humiliating. Coach Hughes or Cody might let me stay with them, but I was too ashamed to ask. I didn’t want people to pity me. I didn’t want to be a charity case anymore, and I didn’t want people to know about the bad things in my life. I could never ask Theo. He was the sunshine in my life, and I didn’t want to dim that with my sad, gloomy bullshit. I felt like a fucking raincloud.
Maybe I could get my old job back at the restaurant. Washing dishes and bussing tables was no sweat. I could do that andthen save up some money and get an apartment. Then, I wouldn’t have to spend the whole summer at home.
Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.
“Please let me come home for just a month. I’ll work and save up so I can move out, and I’ll stay out of Louie’s way.” I hated the tremble in my voice. I despised asking that woman for favors, but I had no other choice.
There was a noticeable pause on her end before she finally said, “Fine. You haveone month.But, just know how fucking lucky you are. You’re almost twenty. It’s time to support yourself, and don’t expect me to step in if shit hits the fan between you and my man.”
