Joel
Ariadne’s lawsuits with Troy Whitman were messy and painful, but they didn’t make it all the way to a courtroom. Ariadne was very clear that she didn’t want litigation; she just wanted her freedom. She would pay handsomely for it if she had to. Joel thought the whole thing was unfair. Whitman was a bully and a thief, in his own way, and Joel had very little respect for him. He sat in on the meetings that Ariadne and Whitman had with lawyers and representatives from the record label. Joel was there to provide testimony if needed. He was a little frightened about speaking against Whitman because the man was very powerful, and Joel was staying with the record label, even if Ariadne was leaving, but he knew it was the right thing to do.
He had a hard time focusing during the meetings. His mind kept going back to what Quentin had said to him. Quentin had confessed that he had feelings for Joel, and it had almost broken Joel’s heart to hear it. A part of him had hoped that his feelings for Quentin were unrequited, that Quentin didn’t feel about Joel the way Joel felt about him.
Joel was pretty sure that he was falling in love with Quentin, a thought that terrified him, because he couldn’t imagine a world in which they could be together. The painful situation Ariadne was currently in only reminded him of how much power the people in his industry had. Whitman would destroy Ariadne if given the chance, and he didn’t look too kindly on Joel for helping her.
Joel knew it was selfish, but he didn’t want to lose his career. The life of a singer, or any celebrity, was tenuously built on public perception, and that could be twisted and destroyed in an instant. He didn’t necessarily care aboutfame, but his career mattered to him. Performing was all he had done for his adolescence and his adult life, and he didn’t know what he would do if that was taken from him.
Eventually, Ariadne agreed to pay multiple millions of dollars to Whitman to get out of her contract. Doing so required her to surrender the rights to all songs she had helped her produce. She would no longer get any royalties from any of that music. It was a devastating blow, but Joel knew that Ariadne would rebuild. It was a testament to how fiercely she believed getting out was the right decision, and he admired her.
He took her out for dinner at the Polo Lounge after it was all done.
“That was awful,” she said as they sipped their drinks. “I hate him.”
“I admire what you did, though,” Joel said. “And maybe someday you can buy back the rights to your music.”
“I shouldn’t have to, but I will,” Ariadne said angrily. “I’m just glad it’s all done. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.”
Joel thought about asking for her advice on Quentin, but he didn’t want to burden her with his problems right now. He needed to think things through on his own, and he would ask her opinion later.
He flew from Los Angeles to San Diego the next day for one of the final legs of the United States portion of his tour. After San Diego, he’d go to Albuquerque and then he’d be done for a few months before embarking on the international portions of the tour. He hoped that he could use those months off to think some things through, and maybe finish some of the stuff he’d been working on. He had recorded several songs over the last few months of the tour, and he thought he might have the beginning of an album.
Joel was staying in the Hotel del Coronado in San Diego. It was a beautiful hotel, but he barely noticed it. The hotel had a great view of the beach, and his room had a balcony overlooking the water. He sat on the balcony with a cup of tea on his first night there, absently sipping the tea, ignoring the view, and writing in a journal.
He was working on a song, a new one, one he hadn’t shared with anyone else. It was his most personal song. It was, he thought, his first real love song. He’d written songs about love before, about sex and relationships and emotions, but none of them had beenreal. They had been about theideaof love, or the concept of it, not his actual experience of love, because for so long, he hadn’t experienced love. He hadn’t thought that he wasallowedto experience it.
Joel had grown up in a conservative Mormon family. His parents took their faith seriously, and were disappointed that he’d left the church. He worried they would never accept him as gay, and that added another awful variable to the already painful equation he was using to determine if he could come out. If he wanted to come out.
He closed his eyes, squeezing them against the tears, and thought about what Quentin had asked him. If things were different, would Joel want to be together?
Joel hadn’t wanted to answer that question, hadn’t wanted to consider what it would look like for the world to be different.
He considered that question now. Yes, he would want to be with Quentin. It was a simple answer, a profound answer. It was the truest thing he knew. The warmth he felt in his heart—thelovehe felt for Quentin—was undeniable. It was powerful and it was true.
He scribbled a final line in the song, closed his notebook, and went back into his hotel room.
He performed the three nights in San Diego in a daze. He went through the motions of the tour. He could’ve performed in his sleep. He knew every step and every note. The crowds cheered. His fans were feral. And all he could think about was Quentin.
Quentin was in Seattle, playing a game against the Killer Whales.
As soon as the last San Diego concert was finished, Joel took a private plane to Seattle. He didn’t care that he had to be in Albuquerque in a few days for his last set of concerts in the States. The tour would be fine. He would be back there shortly. He asked Shivonne and Harlan to handle things with Braun. If they suspected why he was going to Seattle, they said nothing.
This time, he didn’t want to surprise Quentin.
He texted him before getting on the plane:
Joel:I’m coming to Seattle. I thought about what you said, and I’m ready to talk about it and ready to figure it out. Is that okay with you?
Quentin’s reply was almost immediate.
Quentin:Yes.
It was late when he got to Seattle, and he was exhausted. He took a private car to Quentin’s hotel, and Quentin met him outside in the dark. They embraced, and then hurried into the hotel, and kissed in the elevator.
“I missed you so much,” Joel said, wrapping his arms tightly around Quentin. “And I’m sorry that I freaked out when I saw you in Chicago. That was unfair of me.”
Quentin cupped Joel’s face. “No, it was unfair of me to spring that conversation on you like that. I was feeling a lot of emotions and my head was all over the place. I should’ve been more thoughtful about it.”
