Ariadne nodded thoughtfully. They were stopped in traffic. “Do you want it to be something? Like, is it something you want to pursue?”
“I don’t think Ican.” He didn’t know how to explain it to Ariadne without revealing his secret, and he certainly wasn’t going to do that in the back of a hired car. There was a privacy screen between them and the driver, but he wanted to be careful, all the same.
“Why not?” she asked. They rarely talked about Joel’s love life, because there wasn’t much to say, and she seemed both interested and concerned.
Finally, Joel couldn’t take it anymore. He leaned forward and whispered to Ariadne, “Because I’m interested in Quentin Hartley.”
Ariadne’s eyes widened as she processed the full scope of what he was saying. He wasn’t just admitting a crush to her—he was coming out, baring this part of his soul.
She took his hand and squeezed it gently. “I love you, Joel. I love you so much. Thank you for trusting me.”
Joel felt a massive weight off his shoulders. He felt a lightness, a looseness, in his chest that was entirely new. “My god,” he whispered, “you don’t know how good it feels to say this out loud, and how good it is to hear you say that.”
She hugged him. “I mean it. I love you.” She smiled. “How did it happen, between you and Quentin?”
Joel quietly explained the story to her, how he really had disliked Quentin when he met him, though the dislike may have been because he was unconsciously attracted to the hockey player. He explained how things had developed, how, when they had been forced together, he had seen different sides of Quentin and come to realize that he really did find Quentin attractive. And then, how he had finally gotten up the courage, or the recklessness, to act on his attraction, and then had immediately felt afraid, and had run from Quentin.
“So, he clearly feels the same about you,” Ariadne said.
“What do you mean?”
“He ran after you, out of the club, and he kissed you back.”
“Ithinkhe kissed me back. He may have just been surprised, or drunk. God, what if I took advantage of him because he was drunk?”
“Did he seem drunk?”
“No,” Joel admitted.
“Then, you’re just listening to your anxieties, and not to reality. You said he’s been trying to contact you?”
“Yes, and I’ve ignored him.”
“Joel.”
“What am I supposed to say? I don’t think he’s gay, and even if he is, could we even be together?”
“Yes,” Ariadne said flatly. “Why couldn’t you?”
“You know how the industry is. You know how our record label would respond to that. My fanbase is all girls and women who have crushes on me.”
“Not all of them,” Ariadne countered. “I would never push you to come out publicly if you aren’t comfortable, but imagine the difference you would make, and the people you would inspire.”
“I suppose, but I don’t want people to think they have any more right to look into my personal life than they already think.”
“I hear you on that one. Well, there are plenty of celebrities who keep their relationships low-key. You could do that, too. You don’t have to be public about it.”
“The sneaking around and the hiding would be exhausting.”
“It sounds to me like you’re finding excuses to not follow your heart.”
Joel gave her an annoyed look. “Remind me why I asked you for advice?”
“Because I’m very wise. You should talk to Quentin, at least tell him how you feel. Do you want arelationship, or do you just want to fuck?”
“Wow.”
“It’s a fair question, and there’s nothing wrong with just wanting to hook up. Sex isn’t bad.”
