“I don’t know what there is to say.”
“Probably a lot.”
Quentin laughed, and the laugh caught on a small sob. “Yeah, probably.” He rubbed his face, trying to wipe away some of the tears. “I reallydidthink he was insufferable when we met, but I think part of it was attraction. I was attracted to him, and that scared me, and caused me to be irritated by him. And then we were forced together by this PR friendship, and I saw a different side of him, and whatever that attraction was, it grew. I couldn’t ignore it, and then…In Tampa, after you told me he’d run out of the club, I chased him, and I found him in an alley, and then he kissed me.”
“Oh,fuck.”
“Yeah. It was a good kiss, too.”
“Was there tongue?”
“Jesus Christ, Henri.”
“What? These are important details. I’m trying to paint a mental picture.”
“I don’t want you painting a mental picture of my tongue in Joel Beckett’s mouth.”
“Too late. I have a very vivid imagination.”
“Good god. Anyway, it was an amazing kiss, and I felt things I’d never felt, and Iswearhe liked it, too. I mean, he kissed me first. But then, well, he freaked out, and he ran away, and I haven’t heard from him since.”
“Ah, that sucks. SoJoelkissedyou?”
“Yes.”
“Fuck. So he definitely likes you.”
Quentin raised his eyebrows. “That feels like a leap.”
“C’mon, Quentin. Who wouldn’t like you?” Henri began to tick off his fingers while he spoke. “You’re hot, you’re talented, you’re funny, you’re surprisingly smart, you’ve got a great body, you apparently can sing, you have a heart of gold, you’re a good leader—”
“Sheesh, you’re going to make Cort jealous.”
“What I’m saying is, I haven’t spent a lot of time around youandJoel. But I was backstage at the concert, and I saw how Joel looked at you when you were singing, and when he sang with you. Hell,millionsof people saw it. Did you not see the ‘bromance’ headlines?”
“I saw them.” After the concert, tabloids had been calling his friendship with Joel the latest, hottest bromance. Some had speculated that it was even a romance, but that happened almost any time two male celebrities interacted in any capacity.
“Isawhow he looked at you,” Henri continued, “and I recognized that look. That’s the way I looked at Cort before we were together. It’s the way anyone looks at anyone when they like that person.”
Quentin groaned. This was all so hard. “What do I do?” he asked.
“About what? Coming out? About Joel?”
“About Joel. Coming out…I think I need to save that for later. I don’t even know how I identify. I know I liked having sex with Drew, and I’ve enjoyed having sex with other men before, but it was never the same. I wasn’t even particularlyromanticallyinterested in Drew, and have never really been romantically interested in anyone else.”
“Are you romantically interested in Joel?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are you sexually interested in Joel?”
Quentin huffed a laugh. “Yeah.”
“Is it something you can get past, and would you consider going after other guys, or exploring your sexuality a different way?”
Quentin was quiet for a moment, thinking. “What do you mean?”
Henri chewed his lip. “Cort wasn’t out when we first got together, and that was hard for him. And, I think it put a lot of pressure on our relationship at the start, even if we didn’t realize it at the time. It’s a lot to navigate as a couple when one of you isn’t out. If you want to figure out your sexuality, or label it, youdon’twant to dump your baggage on Joel without at least acknowledging it’s there, and that you have the intention of addressing it. Being with him won’t give you an identity, and it won’t automatically help you processhowyou identify. You also don’t want to come outforsomeone else. You should want to come out for yourself, if you evenwantto come out.”
