We didn’t make plans to see any acts right after Queen Ego. I shrug a shoulder and look at Hennie.
She beams. ‘Might as well start bonding.’
4
Unfortunately our bonding begins with navigating our way through large pockets of people making their way to the Tower Stage. Even at the best of times, I imagined getting caught in the merging of different crowds and audiences as they travelled to other stages would be unpleasant. But when you have a fear of crowds, it’s a living, breathing nightmare.
Especially when you happen to be physically attached to someone you’ve just met. Who, incidentally, you also sort of want to kill. (A tiny bit. In a non-serious way.)
Given the state of our environment and the horrific flurry of people around us, I’m definitely not running at full capacity. Not enough to be coming up with solutions to get this man to relieve himself of this drumstick anyway.
Although, I’m not too worried, to be totally honest. My mere presence has been off-putting for men my whole life anyway, so I’m sure it won’t be long before he surrenders simply to get away from me.
My ex certainly proved this theory to be correct: my first (and last) uninspiring attempt at dating that I still wish I could erasefrom my memory. He seemed to tolerate me for a handful of months before realising that I wasn’t worth his time.
I try not to think about it too much but when I do, I recite Hennie’s words of wisdom directly after he dumped me:
‘He had the personality of a fridge magnet,’ she said, booping my nose with a stern expression.‘He was no match for you, Harty. You deserve so much more.’
As much as I appreciate her, I found these words hard to believe after my long history of being bullied. Possessing an appearance and personality that were both entirelywrongin the eyes of the boys I went to school with dented my ability to believe I deserve any kind of romance at all. Even all these years later, the cruel words that were used to describe me are permanently etched onto the inside of my brain. I hoped I might forget them, but alas. Who knew that sticks and stones indeed break bones, but also that wordscanhurt you?
That motto isn’t terribly inspiring, I realise. It might not catch on.
With someone like Elliot I won’t need long. I give him a day until he runs for the hills to be away from me.
As soon as we can get away from these crowds, anyway.
We both wind our way around huge groups and weave carefully through families and couples while still holding tightly onto the stick. Before long, I’m becoming painfully aware of his body and how it orbits mine as we travel connected along the thoroughfare.
Josh saunters behind us as Owen and Hennie seem to be caught in conversation further behind.
‘So, have you guys figured out how you’re going to function like this? Like where you’re gonna sleep? Oh shit, are you gonna sleeptogether?’
Elliot’s gravelly voice radiates a quiet confidence. ‘We’ll work that out as we go.’
‘We’re open to suggestions,’ I tell Josh with a grin, keeping my gaze laser-focussed on his face in an attempt to blank out the crowds around us.
‘Not from him, we’re not,’ Elliot replies dryly.
‘Well, you may have trouble getting suggestions from him,’ Josh says. ‘Elliot Walker is a man of few words, chosen and spoken carefully.’
‘I’ve carefully chosen two words I’m thinking about using right now,’ Elliot utters under his breath.
‘Well, I do hope you’re not referring to foul language, doll, we’ve got company,’ Josh says, nodding at me. ‘Or hostages. However you want to look at it.’
I snort at Elliot’s pained expression as his free hand rubs his temple.
‘Don’t worry,’ Josh beams at me. ‘This is our love language. Love you too, Ell.’
Elliot just rolls his eyes as he manoeuvres me behind him to walk through a huge swarm of people. As we approach it, I can see how little space there is in there to move around, and imagine myself within the fray – light-headed and reeling.
My neck and face start to tingle with heat as a surge of adrenaline hits. I twist my head around to see another crowd of people behind us, closing in, coming towards us too fast.
And then my legs move before I realise what I’m doing. I pull back harshly, taking Elliot with me. He yelps and follows me as I weave to the edge of the path, slotting myself safely between a bin and a fence.
I slam my eyes shut. A voice reverberates somewhere between my ears but I’m too busy concentrating on staying on my feet to listen, the world desperately wanting to tilt sideways. I clench my fists to check I can still feel them; I can, which is a good sign it’s not a full-blown attack yet.
I feel a soft brush of contact on my arm and a whisper of breath on my ear.
