If there’s anything worse than having to admit your feelings, it’s waiting in the space knowing that there’s no turning back.
‘God, oh God, oh God,’ I mutter through my hands as I pull my eyes away from my phone screen. ‘What are you doing, what are you doing.’
I tap my feet impatiently against the wood of the jetty as I check my phone again. The message still hasn’t been sent. I resist throwing my phone into the lake. Would that un-send it??
Not truly allowing myself to think about where I’m heading, I get to my feet and force my legs to start walking.
I’m making my way around the last corner of the lake when my phone buzzes. My hands rush to my pocket, my breath catching when I see his name on my screen.
Firecrest stage
Why? Are you ok?
My heart plummets into my stomach reading his response. I ignore the concerned tone of the message and type out a quick reply:
Where exactly?
I take another breath and swallow down every shred of my pride before typing out another message.
I need to talk to you
Just let me know where you are and I’ll come find you
My shoulders go up to my ears with humiliation at my brazenness. He begins responding immediately, the text bubble dancing as he types.
Nora please don’t come here, it’s absolutely rammed
This doesn’t dim my adrenaline or slow my racing pulse. My body feels like its about to launch itself out of a plane and I’m looking down at a surreal view of the earth.
I’m coming to find you, you can give me directions or you can make things considerably more difficult
I’m being painfully stubborn but at this point I don’t care. As long as I get one last chance to talk to him, at least I would know I tried my best.
Ok I’m leaving now
It might take me a while to get through this crowd but I’ll come find you
What direction are you?
The Lakes side, walking towards you
I’m coming to you, stay there
My body is too restless to stand still and wait for him here, so I keep walking. I march in his general direction, refusing to acknowledge where exactly this path leads.
The Tower Stage comes into view, quietly majestic and strangely welcoming with its colourful flags billowing in the wind and empty surroundings. With no crowd in sight, it doesn’t seem as terrifying as it did on our first day. A sea of beer cans and paper cups cover the surface of the field, the grass now worn down from thousands of footsteps and yellowed from the sun and dirt.
It doesn’t feel right to stop. To wait. But the alternative is unthinkable.
Showing up at the Firecrest Stage to find him? The idea makes me want to cackle and wretch at the same time. I wouldn’t even be able to find him. Would I? Would it come across as a thoughtful gesture? Would he even appreciate something like that? As thoughtful as it may or may not be, it’snotsmart.
But fuck it, I’ve done the impossible before. I survived the crowd on Friday, maybe I can do it again.
Of course, I would have to actuallygetto the Firecrest Stage first. Without panicking or fainting.
My spine erupts with a burst of hot adrenaline, which I ignore. It’s time to act. Iwantto act now. I’ve never fought for something I want like this.Someone. The years of unspent energy and action have caught up with me, chasing behind me like a shadow. Keeping me moving so rapidly I’m almost running.
The sound of crunching metal under my feet meshes with the pounding of bass emanating from the Firecrest Stage. It pulses louder and louder as I approach the entrance I never thought I would step through.
