“O–okay,” they managed to stumble out. They didn’t even bother taking off their clothes. They just fell to their knees at Noah’s feet.
“Fuck, Asp,” Noah said, running a hand back through his hair, before dropping that hand to the top of Aspen’s head.
Noah was a pretty decent teacher, but he kept interrupting himself to moan and shudder as Aspen worked him with their lips and tongue. When his knees began to shake, he pulled them onto the bed and taught Aspen how to blow him while lying down. Aspen only internalized about a quarter of the lesson, mostly just letting their instincts guide them as the butterfly flapped unhelpfully through their brain.
“Asp… Gonna… Please… Please…” Noah moaned as Aspen grabbed two handfuls of his ass and sucked.
Noah came with a quiet groan, his legs shaking against the sides of Aspen’s head before his body went limp. Aspen scurriedup the bed to wrap him up in their arms, and he reached for Aspen’s pants, but they batted his hand away.
“That was amazing,” they said, as his hand came to rest on their belly. “Seriously, I fucking loved that. I would blow you every single day if you asked me to.”
Noah was quiet, which wasn’t abnormal for him, but there was something charged in the silence. Their breaths slowly returned to normal until the only sound in the room was the soft tapping of the pipes in the ceiling as someone above them used the bathroom.
Finally, Noah’s hand tightened in Aspen’s shirt, and that butterfly began anxiously flapping its wings.
“I think you should see other people.”
Aspen’s mind tripped over itself, and in the absence of any real thought, their insecurity flared to life. “Did I do something wrong?”
“What?” Noah asked sharply, pressing up onto one hand so they were facing each other. Aspen searched his face, trying to figure out what the look was in his eyes.
“Did I…do or say something wrong? Should I not have said I want to…to do stuff to you every day?”
Noah’s lips moved like his mind was forming words, but his mouth hadn’t quite landed on one yet. “No. No you… God, Asp, you didn’t do anything wrong. You did everything right. You’re so good at literally everything I throw at you in bed, and I feel like there’s so much more out there for you to explore and experience. I’m afraid I’m holding you back.”
Aspen pulled their legs up to their chest, and they were incredibly grateful they hadn’t taken off any of their clothes. “But…I really like everything we’re doing. I don’t want to stop just to ‘get experience’ or whatever you said.”
Noah’s brows lifted, and this time it was easy to read the shock on his face. “Asp, that’s not… I didn’t mean you shouldsee other peopleinsteadof me. I meant, just like we said at the beginning, I think you should try exploring things with other people in addition to what we’re doing.”
Aspen’s shoulders sagged, and their legs splayed out in front of them. “Sweet Gay Jesus, babe…you scared the shit out of me.”
Noah let out a soft huff, somewhere between amused and exasperated. “I’m sorry. I’d been thinking about it all night, and it was a fully formed thought with lots of explanation behind it, but…I guess I didn’t express that very well.”
Aspen tapped their foot against the bed three times before shaking their opposite leg four times. “Yeah, no, the delivery fucking sucked.”
Noah shifted onto his butt so he could wrap his arms and one leg around Aspen. This was clearly an illegal wrestling move designed to incapacitate Aspen with giggles.
Which it did.
“Why are you so fucking ridiculous?” Aspen said, shoving at him, which only made him hang on tighter. “Seriously, your mom calls you to nag you about dating and guilt you over how much time you spend with me, and your solution is to tell me to fuck other people?”
Noah tightened his grip until Aspen could barely move. “My solution is to make sure I am not in fact holding you back in any way while I…” His voice trailed off, and he buried his face in Aspen’s hair to whisper, “Consider going to see someone about everything that has happened with my parents.”
The butterfly took flight, flapping around somewhere behind Aspen’s eyeballs, causing them to fill and rapidly spill over.
“Okay,” they said, their voice coming out wet and broken. Noah tipped Aspen sideways until their head was tucked under his chin. “Okay, yeah, that makes a little more sense, but… Just to be clear, you’re not saying you’re getting a therapist and therefore don’t want to do our trial anymore…right?”
Noah cradled the back of their head as he slowly rocked them back and forth, something that immediately soothed Aspen’s tears. “No, Asp, no, I promise. I love everything about our relationship right now. I don’t want to change a thing—which ironically is what makes me thinkyoushould change things up and see more people. Maybe seeing a therapist will help me figure out what I want, maybe it won’t. Either way, I still wantyouto find everything you’re looking for during our trial.”
Aspen chewed on a thought for several minutes before finally finding the strength to voice it. “What if…I saw other people…withyou?”
Noah’s rocking stopped, and Aspen held their breath. “Like…go on three-way dates? Or have threesomes?”
“Both? Either? We’re so fucking busy, and just like you said, I love everything about our relationship right now. I don’t want to see you less, but yeah, I mean, I wouldn’t mind seeing other people and trying out new things in bed, and…”
They had to really make sure this was true before they said it. They tapped their toes three times on each foot, then four, and finally, they gripped Noah’s arm tightly to their chest. “And I would probably be down for even dating other people, but only if you get to be a part of it—in whatever capacity you feel okay with. Dating, sex, just being friends, whatever. I want you to be a part of it…because I want you to be a part of everything in my life.”
Noah was still frozen, like he’d been struck by a curse or Medusa’s serpentine gaze. “I…don’t think I could commit to dating other people, seeing as how I can’t even commit to dating you right now. Hence the whole trial thing.”
