That was all Noah wanted. To be given the space and the support to figure out what he actually wanted in life. Getting to do it with his best friend by his side, and possibly in his bed, felt like the perfect solution.
He just needed to make sure it was the perfect solution for Aspen, too. “You mentioned polyamory? I think that should be a part of this as well. I want you to find fulfillment and happiness in a way you couldn’t with Ethan. If it turns out that’s with me,that would be amazing, but if you find someone else and you find happiness with them?—“
“What if I find happiness with both of you?” Aspen interrupted, as they often did when they got worked up over something.
Noah had been part of his fair share of conversations with Blair about polyamory. While he’d never thought too deeply about it, he definitely wasn’t against it.
Unlike how thoroughly against it his parents would be. He could almost imagine his father’s face turning purple with rage and his mom bursting into–always tasteful–tears.
Noah forced the thought away. He wasn’t a kid anymore, being told exactly which boy he could accept a prom invitation from or who he could bring home to visit for the summer. The next six months were about him finally figuring out what he wanted, and if that meant interrogating everything he thought he knew about love and relationships, then that was what he was going to do.
“I think if you find happiness with meandsomeone else, and you want to continue our arrangement while also pursuing that other person, I would have no problem with that. I just–”
Noah choked on the tangle of emotions lodged at the bottom of his throat. This was the heart of the matter, wasn’t it? This was why he wanted to try out this arrangement rather than just giving Aspen an outright yes or no today.
“I don’t want to lose you, Asp,” he said, the mess of emotions sitting heavy on his vocal cords, making his voice crack like he was going through puberty—for a third time. “I don’t want to hold you back or fail to give you what you need. But I also don’t want to give up on this thing between us just because I’m uncertain right now. I want you to explore everything you want to explore, and if that continues to be me, and I continue to give you what you need, I hope you’ll stick out the full six monthswith me. If you’re also exploring things with another partner during that time, I say go for it.”
Aspen smiled softly, their hand returning to Noah’s leg. “I can’t imagine you ever holding me back or failing to be exactly what I need—but I hear you. I’ll try to go into this with eyes wide open, without any big expectations or plans. I just want to see where this goes.”
Noah took a chance and placed his hand on top of Aspen’s. He wasn’t sure if he completely believed that Aspen didn’t have any expectations. At the very least, they probably had hopes and wishes, like for their first kiss and their first time having sex.
Maybe that was where they should start, then, and figure out the rest as it happened.
“Okay, so, we’re both in agreement that we’re going to take the next six months to try things out, and figure out what we want for ourselves and from each other?” At Aspen’s aggressive nod, Noah threaded his fingers with Aspen’s. “As far as sex goes–”
“I’m ready,” Aspen said, grinning widely at him.
Noah snorted. “Oh?”
“Yup,” Aspen said, popping the “p” with a smirk. “I told you, I want to try anything and everything to do with nonheteronormative sex with someone I love and trust. Seeing as how I already love and trust you, I’m more than ready.”
Noah actually didn’t remember love being part of Aspen’s little countertop speech the previous weekend. Love was another one of those tangled-up feelings in Noah’s chest. It always felt like it came with so many of those dreaded expectations, whether that be from his parents, his brother, or his exes.
It had never felt like that with Aspen, though. Noah loved Aspen. He knew that almost innately, like there had never been a time in his life when he didn’t love them. He also loved Charlie, not in the same way as Aspen, but it was like he had his ownspecial little thread of love in Noah’s chest. Unlike everyone else, who tangled him up inside, Aspen and Charlie were Gordy Simple. He didn’t know what that meant about romance or romantic relationships, but at least they had a solid foundation to start with.
“Okay,” Noah said, squeezing Aspen’s hand. “If you’re sure, then I’m ready whenever you are.”
Aspen jumped off the couch, still clutching Noah’s hand. He pulled until Noah heaved himself up and allowed Aspen to drag him into his own room.
“Let’s get this show on the road!” Aspen crowed, yanking off their shirt and dropping their pants.
Noah nearly swallowed his tongue when he saw that while Aspen was wearing a binder, they weren’t wearing any underwear.
Back in the sorority house, they’d changed in front of each other dozens of times, and since then, they’d gone to pools and water parks often enough that Noah was familiar with the curves and shapes of Aspen’s half-naked body. He’d never looked at Aspen as anything other than a friend, though, and even now the urge to respectfully look away was strong.
“Asp… I… Maybe we should talk about parts and preferences first?” Noah said, focusing on the fancy color layering Blair had done to Aspen’s hair.
Aspen huffed. “I don’t know my preferences. That’s what I wanted us to suss out together.”
Noah kept his eyes glued to Aspen’s bangs as he nodded. “Okay, that’s fair. But what would you like me to call your parts, and in what ways are you okay with them being looked at and touched as of right now?”
“Oh,” Aspen said, and Noah could see their shoulders slump at the bottom of his vision. “Shit, sorry, you’re right. Uh…shouldI…put my pants back on? I don’t care if you see me in a binder, I just thought I could do a cool reveal, cause…yeah, sorry.”
Aspen quickly bent over, and Noah waited until they were standing up again before he stepped forward and pulled Aspen against his chest. “Your reveal was very impressive. Why don’t we talk for a minute, and then you can drop your pants for me again?”
Aspen shivered and, thinking maybe they were cold, Noah pulled his hoodie off and offered it to them. They accepted it and rubbed the soft fabric against their cheek before tossing it on the bed and threading their hands under Noah’s shirt.
Okay…not cold. Maybe they wanted to be on more equal footing?
