That look to the heavens. The way he ran a hand through his hair.
Then finally, finally, “Yesterday, I found a dead rat under my sink.”
Though unfortunately for him, it didn’t quite hit the mark.
“That was a good effort. But the words are still on the tip of my tongue.”
“Fine. So maybe I should tell you about the documentary I watched on soil erosion.”
“Go ahead. Just hearing your voice say those words is enough to get me started,” she said, and the best part was: she didn’t even have to lie. He saidsoilthe way most people saidsex. The tip of his tongue just seemed to caress it.
But he wasn’t having any of it. “Then I’ll be completely silent.”
“So I can hear nothing but your breathing?”
“Yeah. But the breathing is perfectly ordinary.”
“It doesn’t sound ordinarynow.God knows where it’ll be when I start telling you all about the teeth I’ve sunk into my lower lip and the hands I’m currently pretending are yours.”
“If you want to really pretend they’re mine you should be clenching your fists so tight you can feel your pulse beating in the middle of them. And then, once you’ve got that down, try hitting yourself in the thigh until you stop any desire that tries to get a hold of you.”
Now it was her turn to fall silent. Though possiblyfall silentwas the wrong term.
It felt much more like someone had just ripped any and all words right out of her.
Suddenly, all she could do was picture him, like that.
Picture him, so desperate to restrain himself.
And when she did finally speak, she knew she sounded stunned.
“Is that really what you’re doing right now?”
“I’m gonna have a bruise the size of a grapefruit tomorrow,” he said.
Then somehow she just couldn’t help herself.
“Ohfuck,that’s so hot. Oh, my god that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“You can’t be serious. Lydia, tell me you’re not serious.”
“I would, but I’m too busy picturing you seething with repressed lust.”
“I’m hardly seething. I just want to punch myself a lot, and I feel sort of like I’m wearing twelve invisible sweaters and talking is getting kind of hard, and oh Jesus, yeah, I see it now. I see what you’re saying.”
She nodded firmly at nothing. Though, she was pretty sure that firmness showed in her voice. “Great. So now you can describe it in full to me.”
“I just did. And now I want to take it all back.”
“Why? Nothing can happen here.”
“Things arealreadyhappening.”
She pictured his fist again, thumping into his thigh.
Her own hand, now somehow almost covering her breast.
But it just wasn’t enough to suggest they should stop.
