It wasn’t anywhere near enough.
“Yeah, but none of them can ever include physical contact between us, Isaac. You’re not going to accidentally fall dick first into my vagina. I can’t fling my clit at your face.”
“True, but you can say it. You can say crazy bullshit like that and still make me go out of my mind—simply because the word clit was in there. It was there and I heard your voice curl around the word, and now all I can think about is what it would be like if you did some sane version of that. If you pushed my face between your legs or climbed up until your pussy was right there, right against my mouth and tongue, and oh fuck,fuck.” She heard sounds following the cursing. Like maybe he was banging his phone against something. Then a second later, “I have to hang up.”
Just like that.I have to hang up.
Afterthosewords.
“Don’t you dare hang—”
“I’m sorry honey but I can’t control myself with you.”
“I don’t need you to control yourself. I need you to—”
“You don’t need me to do anything. You’ll be fine, I promise,” he said, and that was pretty much her limit. Just hearing that one word:promise.
Like he was her kindly babysitter sending her off to school.
She simply couldn’t let him carry on like this.
“Not if I die of unfulfilled desire, Isaac. Goddamn it, are you really going to do this to me again? I’m shaking so hard my teeth are rattling in my head. If I get any hotter I’m going to melt through the bed. And I know, I know I could let you go now and just make myself come and then pretend everything is cool, but oh my god, it would be so much sweeter if you let me hear you while I do.”
Silence, then. Enough of it that she was sure she’d gone too far.
That he’d hung up, just like he’d said.
Then he spoke, and she breathed out again.
“I think it would be sweet, too, honey.”
“Then why the fuck can’t you just—”
“Because I don’t know how much of that feeling is for you, to give something to you, and how much of it is for myself. How much of it is just this selfish desire to hear what happens when I talk dirty to you. If it was seventy/thirty I think I could go with it and still live with myself. But the truth is, it isn’t even close. It’s fifty/fifty at best. And that’s not good enough.”
Now it was her turn to be silent.
And when she could finally summon words, they were shaky. “Jesus, Isaac. Only to you, the most amazing man to ever exist outside of my imagination, could fifty/fifty be not good enough. I’ve been with guys where I’veprayedfor fifty/fifty. Where fifty/fifty seemed like an impossible dream that you might have to use wizardry to achieve. There have been times I’ve settled for ten percent, for fuck’s sake, and you thinkhalfis bad?”
“No.” He paused, and she could practically hear him considering his words. She could see his expression, when he did it. The way his gaze always seemed to search the empty air for answers. Then, slowly, “I think…I think no one has ever seen me the way you do.”
“I don’t know why. You never make it difficult.”
“Not even when I’m refusing to do this with you?”
“Especiallywhen you’re refusing to do this with me. Because as much as I hate it, I understandwhy you’re doing it so fucking deeply that I will never forget it. It will probably be my last memory on my death bed—that time Isaac Morales was so fundamentally kind and decent that he thought twenty percent of extra wanting was way too much,” she said, then waited for his silence. She expected his silence, for that.
But none came.
“If I was there, I would kiss you.”
“Well, that is definitely a start.”
“It would only be a start if it was on the lips, honey. Where I’mthinking of kissing you is more like the place most people save for last.”
She almost just went ahead and replied.
Then what he’d said sank in, and all she could do was gasp.
