“Everything’s going to be okay,” he said.
But god, in that moment, it really didn’t feel like it would be.
Watching him drive away was as hard as letting go of the side of the boat.
When you know, when you just know it’s the only thing keeping you afloat.
Chapter Nine
She refused to think about calling him. He’d made his position on the whole thing pretty clear, and she wanted to respect that. And in truth, it was a lot easier than she’d first imagined. She had lectures to attend, and parties to go to, and conversations to have with her mom about how things were going. But more importantly: she actuallywantedto do all of those things. It was almosteasyto do them.
Though, obviously, sometimes she slipped.
She panicked when she briefly couldn’t see Letty at Mike Tennebaum’s birthday party. There was a moment in the elevator, after she suddenly realized she was alone in there with the guy from the apartment above theirs. The one with the saggy moustache, who always seemed a little out of place in amongst the mostly student population of her building, and usually looked at her just a little too long.
And she often still found herself tensing up.
But, on the whole, she was okay.
She was doing okay.
She didn’tneedhim.
Though, god, it was good when his name suddenly lit up her phone. At the very least, it was a relief to know she hadn’t completely fucked things. He still wanted to talk to her, just like he’d said. And even though it only looked like concern, even though it was only him asking her if she was okay, she knew he was angling for more than that.
She knew because when she texted back:
Nah. I died of longing for you three days ago.
He went with way more than she could possibly have hoped for:
Well, at least you can still send me a sarcastic text from beyond the grave.
She almost bounced on her bed the moment it came through. It was just so unburdened by any of the shit they’d talked about in the car. So willing to go with what she’d said, without a second thought. And things only got better from there.
A really weird looking guy on the subway taught me how.
Does that make you Patrick Swayze?
Yeah. Only without the sexy pottery.
We could doordinarypottery.
Ah, like a scene from the lesser known sequel: Friends Make a Nice Mug in Separate Apartments While Fully Clothed.She paused mid-message—both to settle deeper into the comfort of her bed, and to come with exactly the right soundtrack choice. Then it hit her, and she finished through uncontrollable giggles.Instead of Unchained Melody playing over the top of the action, it’s The Birdy Song.
Why the fuck does it have to be The Birdy Song?
It was the least sexual tune I could think of.
I think we might be safe without killing our ears completely.
Yeah you say that, but yesterday, I was listening to a lecture on trade deficits from nineteen ninety-six and somehow started having forbidden thoughts. I can have forbidden thoughts over anything.
It took him longer to reply to that one. So long, in fact that, she started to wonder if she’d gone too far again. She pictured him in his own bed with that desperate look on his face. Thedon’t do this to melook that she could hardly stand to think about.
But then her phone pinged and there it was:
Permission. Permission to go further.
