My chest clenched with the pain in his words. I hated that I’d hurt him. “I do,” I said. “I just panicked.”
Gray’s hand moved to the back of my head, pulling me to his chest. His voice was low, his lips pressed to my ear and his words just for me. “I know I don’t deserve to ask this after how I treated you, but please don’t shut us out. You’re not alone.”
I nodded against his chest. “I’ll try. I’m used to running away and ignoring everything.”
It dawned on me that I had no idea what would happen next. The doctor had said something about a biopsy.
“What else did Dr. Ash say?” I asked. “Like, what happens next?”
If you hadn’t been such an idiot and run off, you would know this yourself. The ugly voice in my head made my cheeks burn.
“She didn’t want to discuss more details without you,” Liam said. “So we’ll have another appointment and get more information. We went ahead and scheduled the biopsy for the day after tomorrow, if that’s alright with you. We can change it if not.”
“That’s okay.” I appreciated Dr. Ash not wanting to discuss my health without me present, but the thought of having to go back to the hospital for more appointments made my chest tight. Part of me wanted to ask Liam to just handle it for me, but I knew that wasn’t fair—to him or me. This was my body, and I needed to face what was happening. “What’s involved with the biopsy?”
“It’s an outpatient procedure,” Liam said, his hand running up and down my back. “They’ll numb your neck and use an ultrasound to guide them. It’s called a needle core biopsy, so they’ll take a small chunk out of the… the tumor. And that willallow them to type it. Once the pathology comes back, they’ll know what you need in terms of surgery or treatment. There’s a chance it’s harmless and could be surgically removed. Agoodchance.”
His unspoken words hung in the air—there was also a chance it wasn’t harmless. I twisted my fingers in Gray’s shirt, barely aware of what I was doing. There had been so many moments this past year when my symptoms confined me to bed. Lying in my dark bedroom, I’d thought about dying. I thought I’d accepted that my life would be cut short, but surrounded by my guys, I wanted to cling to life as long as possible.
“What do you need right now, darling?” Henry asked.
The tenderness in his voice was another crack in the metal box, allowing the weight of the day to crush me. Tears threatened to spring to my eyes again and I blinked, forcing them back.
What my omega wanted was for my guys to strip down and get into bed with me. I wanted their skin on mine, their clothes in my nest, and their scent saturating everything. But that felt like too much to ask for, so I just shrugged. If I asked for nothing, I wouldn’t be disappointed.
A growl in Gray’s throat made me jump. He gripped my chin, tilting my face up to his so I was forced to meet his stern gaze.
“None of that. You’re going to be a good girl and tell us what you want, and then we’re going to spoil you for the rest of the evening.”
“Just the rest of the evening?” I surprised myself with my teasing words. I didn’t know I had it in me, but something about Gray brought it out.
The corner of his lips twitched. “You want to be spoiled all of the time?”
“Maybe.” My response was supposed to be a joke, but the word came out in an almost whisper, sounding much too earnest.
“Good,” Gray said simply. “Now tell me.”
His gaze was hypnotizing, forcing my words to the surface. “I want my nest. And all of you to be in it.”
Gray didn’t give me a moment to second guess myself before he stood, keeping me in his arms as he walked to the bedroom. Liam opened the door for him and then we were all in the bed together.
Without saying a word, Henry stripped his shirt off and handed it to me. A vague memory of him doing the same during my heat tugged at the edges of my mind. I clutched it to my chest, breathing in the scent of cardamom and flowers. When the alphas saw my reactions, they quickly stripped off until my arms were filled with their shirts. I arranged them around the bed and then crawled into Henry’s lap. His hand slipped under my shirt, his skin hot against mine.
My eyes closed as my guys’ low voices surrounded me. They turned on the TV to my favorite TV show—a British baking competition—and ordered takeout. My mind turned to last night’s tarot reading. It felt like a lifetime had passed since then. The ominous Tower loomed over me with its sinister energy on one end, and the Star with her hope and optimism on the other. It felt like I was at a crossroads, but every path was cloaked in darkness. The only thing I knew for sure was that I wouldn’t bring my guys down into the darkness, no matter what that meant for me.
I’d never expected a happy life, anyway.
81
WESTIN
The room was dark when I woke. All my guys were asleep, their soft breathing the only sound breaking the silence.
I lay as still as I could, wanting to savor this moment. After the hell of yesterday, it almost felt like the universe was apologizing to me, grazing a tender hand against my face so I could be awake for this.
The bed was much too small to fit all of us comfortably, but they had put up with their cramped positions for me. Gray was at my back, someone else’s arm was slung across my hip, and Henry’s face was inches from mine. Their warmth and scents sank into my skin, marking me. I couldn’t stop myself from imagining waking up like this every day, except with their permanent bond marks on my skin. Something about the early morning made it easier to get lost in my fantasy, easier to ignore the voice in the back of my mind screamingdanger. The more I let myself imagine a happy future, the more painful it would be if it all got taken away.
Henry’s eyes fluttered open, and he smiled sleepily. “Morning, gorgeous.” His voice was rough with sleep.
