Before he could question me again, I climbed on the back of the bike and wrapped my arms around him. He tugged on my hands, tightening my hold on him, before starting the engine.
My eyes were unfocused as we made our way out of the city. It wasn’t long until we were climbing a winding road into the mountains. Flowers dotted the side of the road, the yellows and pinks a contrast to the pine trees that stretched towards the sky. I inhaled and the scent reminded me of Gray. I clutched at Bear as a small crack formed in my metal box, my emotions seeping through. A single tear rolled down my cheek and it was as if the dam burst. Strangled sobs broke out of my chest and tears soaked my cheeks. Bear quickly pulled off the road to an overlook, cutting the engine before tearing off his helmet and turning to face me. He eased the helmet off my face and gathered me to his chest.
“That’s it, baby, let it out.”
That made me cry harder. The pain and agony of it all engulfed me. I’d known it all along—I was broken, and I wasn’t going to get better. And now I’d dragged four of the best men in the world into my hell.
“I can’t do this,” I sobbed.
Bear held me, his tight hold unwavering as I fell apart in his arms. Time stopped having any meaning. The only thing real to me was the feel of his arms and the scent of leather and whisky. I buried my face in his throat, running my nose along his skin. His shirt was soaked from my tears, and I couldn’t find it in myself to care. The world was ending.
It felt likeIwas ending.
The rare images I’d allowed myself to fantasize about—the picture of my pack and me, happy and healthy together—vanished before my eyes.
Eventually, my tears ran out, leaving my chest hollow. I pulled my face away from Bear’s chest and noticed for the first time where we were.
“It’s pretty out here.” We were above a river that ended in a small waterfall, and the leaves were thick with bright green foliage. “I bet it’s amazing here in the fall.”
“We’ll have to come back then,” Bear said gruffly.
I looked up at him just in time to see him wipe a tear off his cheek.
“Hate seeing you cry,” he said gruffly.
I cupped his face with both hands, running my thumbs down his skin. My lip trembled as we looked into each other’s eyes. A purr started in his chest. It was a bit strained and broken, but it sank deep inside me all the same.
“We’ll face this together,” Bear said. “All of us.”
“They’re probably not happy with me right now.” I closed my eyes. I’d just reacted in the hospital. After years of running away from my problems, I forgot that I had my pack to runtoward.
“They won’t be mad, baby. And if they are, they can be mad at me. But you get to react however you need to.”
I rubbed my temples. A headache was quickly building. The realization that a tumor was causing my pain spread ice throughmy body. Bear’s hand was gentle on the back of my neck, massaging me.
“Let’s get you back.” Bear put our helmets back on, but before we put our visors down, I grasped his hand.
“She did say the wordtumor, right?”
Bear nodded, swallowing hard.
I nodded, flipping the visor down over my red, puffy eyes. The word tumor rang in my head the entire ride back like a horrifying chorus, heralding my destiny.
80
WESTIN
Liam, Gray, and Henry were waiting outside the guesthouse when we pulled up. My shame intensified at my childish reaction in the hospital. I awaited their judgemental stares, but they never came. The moment I was off the bike, Gray was there, removing my helmet before lifting me into his arms. I wrapped myself around him, breathing in as much of his scent as I could, uncaring that it was twisted and bitter with sadness. I was struck by the urge to nest, and my fingers itched to pull off his shirt and get his scent all over me.
Gray carried me inside, sitting down on the couch so I was straddling him. Henry and Liam squeezed in beside us, and Bear dragged an armchair next to us. Liam cupped my face, running his thumb under my eye, and I knew it was obvious that I’d been crying.
The silence was too much for me, forcing me to say something. “Sorry for leaving,” I whispered.
Henry entwined his fingers with mine, giving my hand a comforting squeeze. “It’s okay, darling.”
I glanced at the still-silent Gray and Liam. “Are you mad?”
Liam blinked as if coming out of a fog. “No, sweetheart. I just… I wish you trusted us to be there for you.”
