“Everything about me is wrong. I wasn’t a good omega to begin with, and now I’m all tainted.”
“Being good is overrated,” Sam said.
I smiled in spite of myself. We’d had this same conversation many times growing up when I got down on myself after being berated by my mother or pack fathers.
“Don’t give them that kind of power, Josie. No one has the power to taint you—not Glen, that fucking doctor, or anyone else. Remember what you told me the night you revealed? You said your designation changed nothing. You were going to live your life how you wanted to, and no one would stop you.”
“I was naïve,” I said. The girl I’d been back then—so confident and alive—felt like a distant ghost, almost as if she’d never truly been real.
“You’ve been dealt a lot of shit cards, but that sixteen-year-old omega knew what she was talking about. Maybe you need to remember.”
“Wish you were here,” I whispered, trying to dislodge the comfort Sam’s words provided. I couldn’t allow myself to be hopeful. I wasn’t sure I would survive the disappointment.
“Me, too. But I’m not, so you have to take care of yourself. I know it’s so fucking unfair for me to say you have to hold on, or wait, or just be patient, but you do. You don’t have any other choice because I will not lose you. Those three alphas of yours certainly aren’t. Even though they should have protected you from this.”
A surge of anger and protectiveness filled my chest. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. This isn’t their fault at all,” I snapped, my omega snarling.
Sam snorted out a laugh. “Well, fuck. I owe Gerald ten bucks. He said all I needed to do to get you to snap out of this was insult your alphas.”
“You suck,” I pouted, feeling my emotions lighten in the way only Sam could do. “And Gerald’s on my shit list, too,” I muttered.
“I’ll let him know,” Sam said cheerfully. “And you better start responding to my texts, or you’ll be onmyshit list. Understand?”
“You can’t just fix this, fixme, by pissing me off.”
“Ah, Josie. That’s where you’re wrong. You don’t need fixing. You’vealwaysbeen whole. The entire world can try to break you, but they can’t break what was never theirs to begin with. You belong to yourself, and you’re only as broken as you let yourself feel. Omegas are the center of everything, the true power in our society. Don’t forget that.”
I squeezed my eyes shut against the tidal wave of emotion.
“Plus, it’s sooo easy to piss you off. Omegas. So sensitive.”
I snorted. “Fuck off.”
Sam chuckled and I could imagine his broad smile, which always felt like sunshine. “Love you, Josie.”
“I love you.”
I hung up the phone and wrapped myself around a body pillow. I felt a hopefulness and an aliveness I hadn’t all week, but with those emotions came the overwhelming terror I’d been trying to keep at bay. I tried to crawl back into my dark hole of numbness, but it was as if Sam had scraped away my protective outer layer, leaving me exposed.
ChapterNine
Josie
Ikept my breathing even so my alphas would think I was asleep, but my heart wouldn’t stop racing. I shifted enough so I could see the clock on the nightstand. Three o’clock in the morning. My emotions clawed at my chest, and I wished I could return to the numbness I’d felt before talking with Sam. I didn’t want to feel my body right now. Didn’t want to feel anything.
Silent tears streamed down my face as I tried to force myself to stay still, but the need to move, to release this emotional pain, was overwhelming. I sat up, my breathing quickening.
“Baby girl?” Cam’s voice was low and sleepy, and I cursed myself for waking him. I didn’t want them to feel obligated to take care of me.
You’re so weak. Why are you like this? Pathetic. Useless.
I clenched my jaw, trying to come up with anything to help me argue against the cruel voice in my head, but there was nothing. Maybe the voice was right. I’d been fooling myself all along to think I could live a different life. I should have known the moment Glen set his sights on me years ago that I would never have a happy ending. And here I was, dragging three of the most loving and caring alphas down into hell with me.
Cam sat up and pulled me into his lap before I realized what was happening, and Ben and Theo shifted closer to us.
“No!” I whined, pushing against his chest. Cam let go immediately. I shuffled on my hands and knees to the foot of the bed.
“I need to be alone,” I blurted out, practically tumbling out of bed and landing on the soft rug.
