Ben continued circling my clit, building intense pleasure that had me arching off the bed. Then Theo’s hand was on my thigh, pressing me to the bed. I didn’t know when he had moved to my other side, but I was glad he did—I wanted all their hands on me.
My orgasm built. I noticed the same feeling as last time—as if I were about to jump off a precipice into the unknown. Then Ben pressed the tip of his finger into my entrance and I flinched, the pleasure inside me turning icy cold.
Ben noticed and paused, gently pulling his finger out. “You don’t want that, gorgeous? That’s okay, I won’t, promise.”
Chills ran through me, a cold sweat breaking out over my skin as blurry flashes of memory of Glen and Dr. Bishop standing over me, fingers inside me, flickered before my eyes. Suddenly I felt like I was gagging on the scents of rotten fruit and burnt plastic. I rolled into a protective ball, my eyes closed shut. Logically, I knew I was in a warm bed with three caring alphas, but I could almost feel the cold steel of the exam table underneath me, the smell of antiseptic cutting through Cam, Ben, and Theo’s scents. Scents that had turned bitter in the last few moments.
I forced myself to open my eyes. I needed to be prepared for their anger.
You’re defective, unlovable.
But all I saw was their caring concern. Ben looked devastated—shoulders shaking with emotion like all he wanted to do was scoop me into his arms.
“I’m so sorry,” he said softly. He was sitting up now, and all three of them had pulled back to give me space.
I took a few deep breaths, the panic that had gripped me so instantly loosening its hold. I didn’t know what to say, so I settled for holding my hand to Ben. I knew he hadn’t meant to trigger me and I wanted to put a smile back on his face, to bring back the playful energy we’d had just minutes ago. I also felt strangely sad at the loss of their touch. They were being thoughtful by giving me space, but my omega whined at their withdrawal, the feeling of rejection rolling through me.
Ben gently placed his hand in mine. “Please don’t cry,” he said. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks and it pissed me off. I was surrounded by the three sweetest, hottest, tastiest alphas I had ever met. I wasn’t going to let my abusers take away this experience.
I wiped my tears. “I want to keep going.” My voice was a little shaky, but I was confident in a way I hadn’t felt in years.
“Sweetheart,” Cam said with all the tenderness in the world. I had a feeling he was holding himself back from gathering me in his arms. But I didn’t want gentle cuddles right now. I wanted my second-ever orgasm.
“No, I want to keep going,” I repeated, meeting Ben’s gaze. This time, my voice sounded strong and sure. “I got triggered by having your finger… umm… you know. Just not ready for that yet.” My voice petered off.
Why couldn’t I be as confident as Poppy when talking about sex? During one of our self-defense classes, she had given us a graphic play-by-play of heat sex with all five of her alphas. Westin and I blushed so hard I thought we might both spontaneously combust.
“You want to continue?” Ben asked quietly.
“Yes, please,” I said. If I was ever going to get close to these alphas, I needed to tell them what I wanted. “Oh, um, only if you want to,” I added hastily.
Ben’s lips twitched, and a smile slowly broke across his face. “Yes, please, beautiful.”
The alphas seemed even more nervous than I was as they slowly lay down beside me, Ben pressed tightly to my side. I tensed, unsure if he would jump right back to where we left off. Instead, he pulled me in for a kiss. It was unhurried, his soft lips coaxing mine open and soothing the ragged edges of my anxiety. Ben moved his kisses down my body, his mouth hot against my skin.
Theo caressed my face, leaning towards me with a question in his eye. I closed the space between us, our lips connecting in the sweetest kiss. Theo had an awed smile on his face as he pulled away. He was the shyest of the three, which bolstered my confidence. I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled him in for another kiss as Ben slipped his hand under my underwear. A little jolt of anxiety ran through me until Cam stroked his hand down my hip.
“Good girl,” he said. “So brave for us, so beautiful. Just relax, sweetheart, and let Ben make you feel good.”
My orgasm built slowly, Ben’s fingers circling my clit in a steady rhythm. I panted, arching off the bed as my pleasure built. I forgot about cold tables and alpha smells that made my stomach turn as I let myself get lost in their touch, building until my orgasm crested over me in a gentle freefall. Ben’s fingers slowed, his hand cupping my mound and pressing steadily as little waves of pleasure continued to roll through me.
Ben removed his hand and gathered me up in his arms.
“Thanks for trusting me, precious,” he said, kissing me softly.
I pressed closer, hoping my touch conveyed my gratitude even as words caught in my throat. Cam and Theo curled around me until I was surrounded by their comforting warmth. I didn’t know how long we stayed like that, but a heavy blanket of peace fell over me. I had never imagined I could be this comfortable with my alphas. A little jolt of realization shot through me.
They weremine.
ChapterTwenty-Three
Josie
For the first time since my heat began, I was alone in my nest.
I hated it.
