“I wish you and Westin didn’t have to walk here,” Anna said. She was a soft-spoken omega who joined our group a few months ago after Westin invited her. I hadn’t gotten to know her much beyond the fact that she was bonded to five alphas, which seemed like an exhausting number of personalities to juggle.
“Well, it’s not like we’re allowed to drive,” Westin said, her jaw clenching. We all agreed early on that it might draw more attention to our gatherings if Anna or Poppy’s packs picked us up. I was pretty sure Westin’s aunt’s pack drove her most of the time, as she didn’t live within walking distance. “Glad you’re okay, Josie.”
Westin and I were the two unbonded omegas in the group, and I felt a level of solidarity with her. She was twenty-three, just like me, and though we had never talked about using suppressants, I was sure she was on them. She was petite and striking—her long hair almost silver as she put it in a ponytail. It was hard for me to imagine that someone that looked like her could still be unbonded.
Luc paired me with Poppy and started walking through the objectives for today’s class while I stripped off my sweatshirt and set my things down in the corner. I took a sip of water, trying to steady myself as I came down from the adrenaline and fear that had pumped its way through my body.
I walked back over to Poppy and gave her a strained smile, feeling hideous beside her petite frame and luxury workout clothes. Poppy was too sweet to judge me, but I still tugged on my thrifted black tank top, wishing it could magically make my fat rolls disappear. Not for the first time, I wished I had a different body, a different life.
Poppy volunteered to go first, practicing swift, well-executed jabs to the bag I was holding steady. I clenched my jaw as each hit rattled through my too-sensitive body, every twinge a reminder of what was to come if I didn’t get suppressants. I needed to call Sam, but I had run out of minutes on my burner phone. He had probably been trying to get through to me all day, and guilt burned in my stomach like acid at the thought that he was worried about me. I would be able to reload the minutes after I got paid tonight, and I needed him to have good news about my suppressants.
A small voice in the back of my head said I could ask to borrow Poppy’s or Luc’s phone and call him now. But I just couldn’t do it, especially when I thought of how much I already owed them. Poppy had paid for my groceries when I was on the verge of starving, and her alphas connected me to the owner of the gym where they were members, who had just so happened to be looking for a new cleaning person. Luc had immediately given me the job, transforming my life. Later, he let me talk him into hosting this class for omegas.
The punching bag smacked me in the face, bringing me back to the room.
“Ahh, I’m sorry,” Poppy said, stopping the bag from swinging. “You okay?”
“Yup, totally fine,” I said, rubbing my stinging cheek.
“You seem a little out of it today,” Poppy said carefully.
“Sorry, just a bit distracted.”
“Okay,” she said, not sounding fully convinced. “Want to trade spots?”
No, what I want is to curl up in bed with piles of the softest blankets in the world.
“Yep, sure.”
I huffed, adjusting my bra straps and tank top for the hundredth time. Even if I had the money to buy workout clothes that fit properly, it wouldn’t make a difference with how tight my skin felt. The headache I had woken up with lingered, and my muscles were weak as I threw a punch. I knew what my symptoms meant, but I hoped if I ignored them, the problem would magically go away.You know, that classic technique that always works.
“Remember, punch with your body, not just your arm. Josie, try that again and shift your weight into the movement,” Luc called from across the room.
I threw the punch again. The bag barely shifted.
“That was better!” Poppy said.
“You’re a shit liar,” I grumbled.
I threw another unbalanced punch that almost had me landing on my ass. Poppy reached out to steady me, but as her hand wrapped around my arm, I flinched back. Shame flooded me as I took in Poppy’s stricken expression.
“I’m just tired,” I mumbled, averting my eyes.
I was so fucking exhausted of being scared and jumpy all the time. Omegas needed touch to survive, but I could hardly tolerate even the slightest physical contact anymore.
Part of me wanted to confide in Poppy. We had been talking more since she joined our underground class. She was always kind and encouraging, and her presence at the Designation Academy, where we’d met, had been a bright spot during my time there. But I wasn’t the same person I had been back then. Dark memories of betrayal and punishment tried to encroach on my mind, and my whole body tensed. I had placed my trust in the wrong person before. I shouldn’t allow myself to get close to others, but I couldn’t force myself away. I was a little island floating in the middle of the ocean, and my friends had somehow traversed the waves to find me. Floating away was no longer an option.
I took a strained breath and pushed the memories aside, imagining myself stuffing them all into a box and dumping it into the bottom of the ocean.You can’t let yourself go there, can’t let yourself remember.
“Why don’t we take a break? I’m tired today, too,” Poppy suggested sweetly.
I wanted to refuse, to insist I could do the exercises when another wave of dizziness and exhaustion washed over me. I threw her a tight smile, and the two of us sat down on one of the mats by the corner. Westin and Anna were still practicing their punching and blocking. The rhythmic sound of punches landing on the bag almost lulled me to sleep. I shifted my position to keep myself awake.
“You know I’m here if you want to talk about it,” Poppy said after a few minutes had gone by.
“Yeah, thanks,” I managed to get out, my throat tight. In another world, I would have loved to let myself really be friends with her. It was yet another thing the Designation Academy had stolen from me.
I jolted as Luc called for the end of class. I had no idea how much time had passed.
