“I’m not sure when the next class will be, but I’ll send out an encrypted message,” he added.
I struggled to get to my feet to gather my things and prepare to start working. I was so absorbed in my worries that I almost missed Anna clearing her throat to speak.
“I have an announcement,” she said, bouncing up and down. “I’m pregnant!”
The room was silent for a moment before Poppy squealed in excitement and ran over to hug her. Westin and I met each other’s gaze across the room with a smile—we had both suspected this was coming soon. Anna had been with her alphas for about a year, and most packs didn’t delay pregnancy for long. One of the few things I knew about Anna was her desire to be a mother. She told us she wanted to learn self-defense so she could better protect herself and any omega daughters she might have one day.
I held myself back from giving Anna a hug but joined the others in gathering around her to offer congratulations. The excitement was infectious, and a smile tugged at my lips, the expression almost foreign on my face.
“Why didn’t you say something before class? You shouldn’t be doing anything strenuous,” Luc growled. The four of us jolted, responding instinctually to an alpha’s displeasure.
Luc pulled a stool out from a dusty corner of the room. “Sit down, sit down,” he exclaimed, guiding Anna onto the stool, to all of our amusement.
“Well, that’s something I didn’t expect,” Westin said dryly, taking in Luc’s harried appearance.
“Iamsurprised your alphas even let you come to class,” Poppy said, holding in a giggle as Luc ran his hand through his hair with an air of panic. “You know how alphas get around pregnant omegas.”
“They’re making me stop class while I’m pregnant,” Anna said with a pout. “But I convinced them to let me come today so I could tell you all. I wasn’tnecessarilysupposed to participate, but what are they going to do?”
Luc groaned. “They’re going to fucking kill me.”
“No, they’re not,” Anna said primly. “They’re being ridiculously overprotective, but the perk is that they also don’t want to do anything to upset me.”
I resisted rolling my eyes. I knew Anna was in love with her alphas, but it annoyed me how even the “good” alphas treated omegas as if we were fragile and couldn’t possibly make our own choices.
“I did fight with them to keep coming to class, but they wouldn’t budge. They said there have been more government crackdowns on mixed designation gatherings, and they don’t want to risk me getting arrested. You’ll all be extra careful, right?” she asked, her concern for us shining through.
Dread filled me as the others reassured her we would take extra precautions. Poppy started chattering away about planning a baby shower while the voice in my head chantedall your fault. I had no idea what bravery or idiocy had led me to ask Luc to start a self-defense class, but to my eternal shock, he had agreed. I suspected it was because a group of alphas had attacked Charlie before she met Luc and the rest of Pack Jang. I didn’t know the details of what happened except that she was in a wheelchair. Our classes were the only time I felt alive anymore, the only time I felt even remotely strong or in control of my own life. But if we were found out, I would be the one to blame.
Westin, Anna, and Poppy left in a whirlwind of goodbyes, staggering their exits out the back.
“You seem off today, Josie,” Luc said after the other omegas had cleared out. “If you’re not feeling up to working today, you don’t have to stay.”
“I’m fine,” I said, even though my legs felt like jelly and my head was swimming.
Luc looked unconvinced. He hesitated before saying, “Your scent has changed.”
I froze.No, no, no, it couldn’t be happening so quickly.
“How obvious is it?” I asked quietly.
“Not obvious yet. If I hadn’t spent so much time around you this past year, I wouldn’t have noticed. But I’m guessing it will become pretty obvious soon. How long have you been off suppressants?”
“I’ve only missed two doses.” I hadn’t known how quickly things would move after missing the medication. “I’ll be able to get my normal supply tomorrow, and it will be fine,” I added with a confidence I didn’t feel. I was sure Luc saw through me, but he didn’t push it.
“You come to me if you need help, okay? Maybe my pack can figure out a way to help.”
“Thanks,” I said, touched by his offer, knowing I would never take him up on it. Luc had his own omega to protect, and I was already asking too much of him.
I started cleaning the mats and other equipment Luc brought to the basement for me. I would wait until the gym’s midnight closure before heading upstairs to the main gym. Luc left after locking up and paying me for the night. He slipped some extra money in the envelope, and shame washed over me as I realized I was too desperate to argue with him about it.
Dizziness continued to break over me in waves, forcing me to sit down and hold my head between my legs in between wiping down equipment. The withdrawal from suppressants was so much worse than I could have imagined, and I held in a groan each time I stood back up and the room spun.
I finally finished around 2 a.m. and carefully headed out the back alley door, locking it behind me. It was only a seven-minute walk back to my apartment, but it was my least favorite part of the day, especially since tonight I had to stop at the 24/7 corner shop and add minutes to my phone.
My skin burned under the thick layer of the de-scenter I sprayed on my baggy clothes. I hated spraying the toxin on me so frequently and knew it would eventually affect my health, but it was worth risking it to avoid attention from alphas. My too-fat body, the source of so much of my shame and suffering, also helped disguise me. No one expected a fat omega. But if anyone gave me more than a brief glance, it would become obvious what I was.
My lip trembled. I wasn’t even sure if it was from fear or exhaustion, or both. I just wanted to live a normal life where no one noticed me.
