‘That’s not true. She’ssowell suited to this life.’
‘That life maybe,’ he says, pointing back at the house. ‘Not this one.’
He looks around the woods and meets my eyes again.
‘Butthat’syour life, Ash,’ I say meaningfully, nodding at the house. ‘That’s the life you were born into. That’s the life your children will be born into. That’s the life you need your partner to want. Beca’s perfect for you.’
‘Technically, Iwasn’tborn into that life,’ he says jadedly. ‘Hugo was. I grew up thinking I could pretty much make my own choices, live where I liked, do what I wanted, but then we lost him. It took me a long time to get my head around everything that had changed. Beca helped with that – she’s been so supportive – but even though I’ve accepted that my future looks different to how I imagined it, I’m not totally okay with it.’ His voice sounds laboured. ‘I have no intention of shirking my responsibilities. Iwilldo what’s expected of me. But I at least want to be with someone who understands.’
‘Do you think you’ll ever find that person?’
There’s a gravity in the look he gives me.
‘You know I could never live this life,’ I say seriously.
He breathes in sharply, staring at me. ‘You are so much more straight-talking than you were when I last knew you.’
‘Yeah, when I say something now, I tend to mean it.’
Six years ago, I was still insecure and dependent on my parents. But in the wake of Lisbon and Madrid, I had to develop a thick skin – I was suffering and I had no one to lean on – and the inner strength I found eventually helped me to break free of my parents. Doing well at Knap, designing ranges that got featured in style magazines, making money for the business and earning myself a degree of respect from both my parents and my colleagues, that helped too. Now I’m standing on my own two feet, doing what I love, and I never want to feel dependent on or beholden to anyone ever again.
‘Well, that’s good,’ Ash says sardonically. ‘I hated having to second-guess you.’
I scoff. ‘When did you have to do that?’
‘The whole time we were in Lisbon and for a long time afterwards. I really had no idea if you’d turned up in Madrid or not. The not knowing was probably the hardest part about it.’
‘Why wouldn’tIhave turned up?’
‘You were so worried about telling your parents you were going to continue interrailing. How could I know for sure that you’d follow through with it?’
‘I told you that I’d meet you in Madrid.’
‘Yeah, but you might have changed your mind. You’donly known me for three days. I knew what a hold your mum and dad had over you. I wasn’t sure any feelings you had for me could compete.’
‘Come on. It was obvious how into you I was,’ I snap, stalking off.
The cabin appears amongst the trees, a wisp of smoke trailing from the chimney.
He jogs to catch up with me and when he’s at my side he slows to match my pace, throwing me a grin. He looks pleased with himself.
I roll my eyes.
He reaches over and gives my shoulder a little push, hard enough to make me stagger one step to my left. I laugh and go to push him back, but he hooks his arm around my neck and presses a quick kiss to my temple before letting me go and opening the door.
My heart skips and skitters. This is such a bad idea.
‘Why don’t Celyn and Catrin live up here?’ I ask as he steps back to allow me to walk inside.
‘They prefer it at the cottages. It was offered to Celyn when his dad retired, but he didn’t want it. Too many memories, I think.’
‘Does the estate own it?’
There’s a fire in the grate, but it’s burned down to embers. I don’t think there’s any central heating so I imagine it’s necessary to take the chill off, even in summer.
‘Yeah. Dylan was also given the option of living out here, but he finds it too isolating,’ he says as he closes the door.
‘But you don’t?’
