Or do I? I put on a more proper-sounding voice to speak to his mother, but it’s only a mild adjustment, nowhere near as extreme as what he did.
‘It’s like someone who grows up to be bilingual,’ Ash continues. ‘They can switch between languages seamlessly.’
‘It’s not the same.’
‘Maybe not, but it’s not something sinister. When I was younger, it came so naturally. I was Ash here and at the workshop and Ashton back at the house and at school.’
‘You just wanted to fit in.’
‘What kid doesn’t?’
I’m beginning to get it. ‘And interrailing? You wanted to fit in there too?’
‘That wasn’t so much about me trying to fit in as me doing what felt most natural. I wanted to be off-grid, away from all that.’ Once more, he nods towards the house.
‘So you’re like two different people,’ I muse contemplatively.
‘Not two people. One. This is me, Ellie.’ He indicates his chest with one hand. ‘You metme. You knowme.’ His eyes are gleaming, pleading with me to understand.
I drop my head, overwhelmed.
‘Like I say, I would have explained all this to you eventually,’ he reiterates. ‘It was only a matter of time.’
My heart feels heavy. ‘You’re speaking like you were intending to come to Madrid.’
‘I was.’ He sounds surprised.
I lift my head to look at him. ‘What happened then?’
He hesitates, breathing in deeply. ‘I don’t know if you had it in the Algarve, but there was a big storm the night after I left you. I managed to get a room in a shitty hostel and I slept with Stella’s book next to my pillow because I didn’t want to lose it.’ He seems distressed as he’s telling me this and my chest feels tight. ‘But I was out cold after barely sleeping on the beach and it must have fallen onto the floor and someone picked it up, because it wasn’t there in the morning. I was in such a panic, asking everyone I could see if they’d taken it, but whoever had it must have already checked out. Of course, we still had our Madrid plan, and I was determined to get there the day before so nothing could go wrong. I bought a new phone for when we met up so I’d never be without a way to reach you again. And then, two days before wewere supposed to meet, my mother called me about Hugo’s accident.’
‘Who’s Hugo?’ I ask.
He stares at me, dazed. ‘My brother?’
‘Oh. You never told me his name, only that he was stepping into your parents’ shoes, running the family furniture business,’ I remember with a flare of irritation.
‘No. I said my older brother was stepping into my parents’ shoes, taking on the family business. You assumed I was talking about furniture.’
‘You let me assume it,’ I respond sharply.
He sighs and concedes with a nod.
‘So what about Hugo?’ I prompt, realising that we’ve gone off track.
‘He jumped off a bridge to go swimming in a lake and broke his spine.’
I gasp. ‘Oh my God.’
‘You really didn’t know?’ he asks. ‘It’s all over the internet.’
I shake my head, stunned. ‘It didn’t even occur to me to look up the family who owned this place before I took the job here. It was all about the garden for me.’
He releases a small, sad puff of air, his eyes fixed gently on mine. It’s a few seconds before he continues.
‘Well, he was in intensive care and my parents wanted me home straight away. For a fleeting moment I thought about going to Madrid first to tell you what was happening, but I had to get home in case we lost him. And then we did.’
‘He died?’ I’m shocked.
