‘Oh, a whole houseful,’ he replies with a small smile that turns into a wide smile when he sees the panicked look on my face.
‘Fine, I’ll settle for two or three. And to answer your question, I would love to bring a child into the world who has half your lovely genes. And if you’d like to experience pregnancy and birth, then I’m on board.’
‘I love you,’ I whisper, blinking back tears.
Who is this man I’ve married? This man who made sure that my name, rather than his, was written on the deeds of Seaglass because he wanted me to have security evenbeforewe tied the knot?
He still runs the kitchen, and Chas is still going, but I’ve stepped away a bit. I won a major public art commission, which has kept me busy. I was up against four other sculptors, so it was a really big deal for me.
In the last year, I also made the decision to let go of my parents. Their bronzes, I mean. I still think of them every day, even if I no longer walk out to the cliffs on the anniversary of their deaths.
It was cathartic to sculpt Mum and Dad, though for a long time afterwards I couldn’t talk about their ‘Gone’ pieces. I’ve had people enquire about them as they’re on my website, but I’ve always said that they’re not for sale. But the last time anart collector called me to ask about them, I hesitated. I felt that it was time to release them into the world.
Tom and I put some of the money towards keeping back the month of June for ourselves, and I have to say, every minute we spend downstairs together in this glorious kitchen feels worth it.
‘So what do you reckon?’ Tom asks.
I nod at him, deciding to use the rest of the money from the sale of my parents’ bronzes to fund IVF. They would have liked that.
‘I reckon yes.’
Five summers from now …
I sob into Tom’s shoulder when our third round of IVF fails.
‘Come on,’ he says huskily, holding me tight. ‘Let’s go for a walk, get some fresh air.’
We head up the coast path past the Drifty, walking single file along the narrow track. He lets me lead and I’m sure it’s so he can keep an eye on me. When the track begins to level out, I look down to our left at Trevaunance Cove and Seaglass. The tide is in and the water is more aquamarine than ever, waves lapping at the creamy-white sand. I glance at the bench as we pass, remembering seeing Tom sitting up there five years ago, half hidden by brilliant yellow gorse flowers.
The flowers are out in force at the moment, as well as the purple heather. Cornwall is in full bloom and its heart is singing, completely oblivious to the pain in mine.
I’m feeling fragile not just because my period came this morning, but because Amy called earlier to tell me that she’s three months pregnant with her second baby, and also that Liam has moved to LA. The boys’ grandfather passed away in June.
I was in Manchester at a statue unveiling and couldn’t make the funeral, but I sent Finn a text to tell him that I was sorry. We’re rarely in contact these days, but I was sad not to see him. I heard that he’s dating another singer-songwriter, but I don’t know if it’s serious.
What I do know is that as time has unfolded, he’s had fewer reasons to come back to St Agnes. And now, with both of his grandparents gone, Tyler settled in Newquay and Liam moving to LA, it may be years before I see him again.
I try not to think about him too much, but as Tom once pointed out, we will always have unfinished business. I guess I’m still trying to come to terms with that fact.
‘Maybe we should put our names down for adoption sooner rather than later,’ I say as we reach the top of the hill.
The view is incredible from up here. This is a land of hills and valleys, high cliffs and crashing oceans, and I love it for all its melodrama.
I did adore the Maldives too, though, when we went just before Easter. I’ve seen more of the world alongside Tom than I ever thought I would after my parents’ accident.
‘Just because it’s such a lengthy process,’ I add.
I walk a few more paces before glancing over my shoulder, wondering why he’s not answering me.
He’s standing still, his hand on his chest, looking pale.
‘What is it?’ I ask urgently, my insides flooding with dread.
And then he just goes down.
‘TOM!’ I scream, running back to him.
I’m scared he’s hit his head on a rock because the path is strewn with them, but heather cushioned his fall.
