‘Does he still make you happy?’ Finn asks me softly.
I nod, my heart squeezing.
He opens his arms ever so slightly to me and I find myself stepping into them without even thinking. He still feels so familiar.
‘I’m so sorry about your grandmother,’ I say into his shoulder.
He gives me a fierce squeeze and lets me go. ‘How’s Michael?’ he asks.
‘He’s good,’ I reply with a smile, brushing away my tears.
‘Maybe I’ll pop over and see him tomorrow.’
‘He’d love that.’
‘Will you come to the wake?’ he asks me.
‘Would you like me to?’
He stares at me for a moment, seeming to think about it, and then he smiles and shakes his head. ‘It’s okay. Get home to Tom. Give him my best. And take care of yourself.’
I walk away with my head down, tears dripping from my nose, and then I lift my chin and once more look ahead to the future.
Four summers from now …
‘Kids?’ Tom asks me over breakfast.
The question comes out of his mouth so casually that it makes me laugh.
It’s the sort of tone he uses when he’s making breakfast.
‘Omelette?’
‘Bacon?’
‘Granola?’
And now: ‘Kids?’
‘Are you asking me if I want a side of kids with my toast?’ I reply.
‘Yeah,’ he says with a smile, tapping my nose with his spoon.
It’s June and we’re in the downstairs kitchen, having decided not to rent the apartment out for the month. It’s still booked throughout July and August, but we wanted to keep it for ourselves for at least part of the summer. His parents are coming this afternoon and we’ve got plans for a barbecue. They’ve been to visit on a few occasions, and last Christmas we went to Norfolk to stay with them. Tom’s mum is quite fussy and his dad is fairly stoic, but their love for their son is evident. I like them a lot.
‘Doyouwant kids?’ I ask, casting him a sidelong look.
We’re sitting next to each other on the bench seat at the dining table.
He nods. ‘I do. And I was wondering how you felt about IVF.’
My chest hurts at the reminder that he refuses to biologically father our children, but I love that he’s open to other options.
‘Would it bother you if we used a sperm donor? Would you rather adopt?’
‘I would love to adopt,’ he says. ‘And maybe we should consider that for babies two and three.’
‘How many kids do youwant?’ I ask with alarm.
