‘Do you want some company?’ he asks evenly, scooping up some granola with his spoon.
I clear my throat. ‘I think I need to go alone.’
He respected my need for silence when we got home last night. I fell asleep in his arms and woke up in them, so I’d hoped that would be enough to reassure him.
But from his expression, I can see that I’m nowhere close to doing that. I have a feeling he can see straight through me.
I brace myself. ‘I need to see Finn,’ I confess.
His eyes are disquieted as we stare at each other for a moment, and then he nods and looks down, placing his spoon back in his bowl.
‘I love you,’ I whisper. ‘It’s only that I feel we have unfinished business.’
‘Won’t you always have unfinished business?’ he asks directly. ‘Unless you actually go all in and have a proper relationship with him, won’t you always wonder what could have been? And if he hasn’t been available for a relationship so far, what makes you think anything has changed?’
‘I don’t believe anythinghaschanged,’ I reply edgily. ‘He’s got a girlfriend.’
‘From the way he was looking at you last night, Liv, I think she’s long gone.’
My heart jolts.
He roughly drags his hands down his face with apparent frustration.
‘Go,’ he says raggedly. ‘Do what you have to do. I’ll be waiting for you when you get home.’
‘Thank you,’ I whisper, reaching out to press my hand to his. ‘I’ll come home and then we’ll walk up to Michael’s together.’
We’re having lunch with him today.
I feel terrible as I gather my phone and keys, but if I don’t see this through to its conclusion – and I fully intend that thiswill beits conclusion – I’ll always regret it.
I can’t spend another year, let alone the rest of my life, without proper closure.
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
I can’t shake my guilt at leaving Tom back at the house as I climb the coast path by the beach, with the ocean and the islands of Bawden Rocks on my right-hand side. I hope that he’ll be able to forgive me.
I texted Finn a few minutes ago: ‘I’m going to the bench.’
He replied: ‘I’m already halfway there.’
He knew I’d go today. How long would he have waited until I came? It doesn’t bear thinking about.
My chest contracts when he comes into view. He looks over his shoulder and sees me, and I’d think he was made of stone if it wasn’t for his dark hair thrashing in the wind and his eyes slowly tracing my steps towards him.
His lips are set in a straight line, but as I close the distance between us, he gives me a small smile and gets to his feet.
‘Hi,’ he says, opening up his arms.
I hesitate – I don’t want him to hold me – but I can’t refuse to give him a hug after all this time.
My head and heart are all over the place as we embrace. I intend to keep it brief, but as I begin to withdraw, his grip tightens momentarily.
And then he releases me.
‘How are you?’ he asks as we sit down on the bench, a foot apart from one another. ‘I like your hair.’
‘Oh, thanks.’ I tuck it behind my ears self-consciously. Before yesterday, he’d only ever seen it long. ‘I’m okay,’ I reply, but I sound indecisive. ‘How are you?’
