I get out my phone.
I don’t knowhow it happens, but two hours later, we are laughing and talking like old friends. And I’m kind of enjoying myself, which surprises me. I still don’t know if he’s with Nadine or if they’ve split up, but it doesn’t matter. I no longer love him, he no longer loves me, and I feel at peace with his decision to end our engagement. I want him to be happy, and hopefully, one day, I’ll find happiness with the right person too.
“Where’s Nadine tonight?” I ask to distract myself from the memory of Anders.
Curiosity has finally got the better of me.
“She’s staying with her parents in Norfolk.”
“Oh, right. Everything going well, then?”
He nods, and okay, my heart does squeeze a little. I’m only human.
“Why didn’t she come tonight?”
“I thought it might be better if I came alone.”
“Not because of me, I hope,” I say sharply. I don’t want his pity. Is that what this is?
“No, not really. I mean, I thought it might be nice to see you, without her. For old times’ sake. Being here with Sabrina and Lance... I don’t know,” he mumbles uncomfortably.
That was actually really decent of him. But I already knew he was a good man. Nadine is lucky.
“I am glad we got to catch up,” I say.
He smiles at me, meets my gaze for a long moment, then his smile slips away.
“I’m really sorry about everything.”
“It’s okay. Scott, honestly, it’s okay.” I reach out and touch his forearm as his dark eyes glimmer under the low-level lighting. “You were right. About me, about everything. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching in America, and I didn’t give you the respect you deserved.I’msorry.”
I’ve stunned him. He hunches forward and drags his hand over his mouth.
“And I’m also sorry if I looked down on you. I didn’t mean to.”
He recovers, shaking his head. “You didn’t outwardly. But there’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want in a partner and striving for it. Life’s too short. You’ve got to be honest with yourself about the sort of life you want, the sort of person you’d like to spend it with. As long as you’re kind to the people around you, which you are, you should be true to yourself.”
I was wrong. I do still love Scott, even if in a different way than how I did before. A tiny part of me always will.
“Thank you,” I murmur, reaching across and slipping my arm around his neck.
We rest our foreheads on each other’s shoulders for a brief, tender moment, before releasing each other.
“I’m going to head home,” I tell him, blinking back tears.
“Are you okay?” he asks me with concern.
I nod. “I will be. Don’t worry, this is not about you. Wipe that look of guilt off your face, please. I can’t stand it.”
He laughs at me, I smile at him, then I gather my things and go say goodbye to Sabrina and Lance.
My mind is racing as I walk home, and all of the feelings I’ve been suppressing over the last week are welling back up, threatening to consume me. I welcomed the numbness, that yawning, horrible, hollow feeling. I’m genuinely terrified of the pain I can feel building now. I step up my pace, desperate to get home before it engulfs me.
He never promised more than he gave. Heisan honorable man.
And I am still overwhelmingly, devastatingly, earth-shatteringly in love with him.
I should call him. I should tell him that I forgive him. Not that it was his fault, what happened. I pushed him too hard. Yes, I was doing what I thought was best for him, but he’ll be blaming himself for how it turned out.
