My hands begin to shake violently.
Suddenly, I see Jonas striding toward me, parting the crowd.
“This is bullshit,” he says angrily as he reaches me, staring me down.
“What’s wrong?”
“Bailey?” he snaps over his shoulder. “Can you take over for Wren? I need to talk to her.”
He frog-marches me around the back of the barn.
37
Jonas? What is it?”
“Like I said, bullshit.”
“What are you going on about?”
“Youlovehim!” he yells at me, letting me go and rounding on me.
I recoil.
“And he loves you!”
I realize that he’s not angry, he’s upset. These Fredrickson brothers are hard to read sometimes.
“So what if I do?” I raise my voice in turn. “What good is that to anyone?”
“If you didn’t love him, I could understand you wanting nothing to do with him. His life is complicated. But youdolove him. I just saw it written all over your face.”
“But his lifeiscomplicated, Jonas!”
“And that’s too much trouble for you, is it?” he demands to know, and I can see that he’s disappointed in me.
“It’s not too much trouble forme! I care abouthim! About Laurie’sparents! About how much it will hurtthem!”
He hesitates. “Is that true?” he asks. “You’re walking away because you care too much, not because you care too little?”
“Yes!” I cry.
He shakes his head at me despairingly. “You’ve got this all fucking wrong. You need to fightforhim, not walk away.”
“What’s thepoint? That will only hurt him more! He’ll be torn between Laurie and me, between Laurie’s parents and me!”
“Laurie isGONE! Don’t tell me you don’t know that! Anders isaliveandhereand you’ve got to convince him that he’s worth fighting for. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. But someone needs to go to battle for him, to get him away from Laurie’s parents. He’s fuckingdrowning, Wren. They’re pulling him under. This is not the time to walk away, this is the time tofight. You’re the only one who can do it. God knows, I’ve tried. My mom has tried. We’ve all tried to convince him to divorce Laurie and live his life, and if not divorce her, then at least live the way he wants to. He’s made enough sacrifices for her and her parents over the years. Last year, he was headhunted by Ferrari, for Christ’s sake, and he said no! He gave up the chance to work in Formula 1 and travel the world because he felt too guilty. But he needs to stop feeling beholden to Kelly and Brian. He has no control over what they do—their choices are their own. At this rate, he’ll be stuck in this half-life until Laurie can be laid to rest, and I don’t even want to think about how wrung out he’ll be when that day finally comes.” He steps forward and places his hands on my shoulders. “But you can help him, Wren. You can give him something to fight for.Youare worth fighting for. Show him that you’re willing to fight for him too.”
My head isreeling when Jonas leaves me standing behind the barn. Is he right? About all of it? I thought I was being self-sacrificing by removing myself from the situation, but I realizeall I’ve done is make Anders feel even more alone. I’ve deserted him, abandoned him when he needed me the most. I thoughtIwas lonely. How musthefeel?
The thing is, if it was anyone else, Anders would fight for them. He simply won’t fight for himself.
Jonas is right. I have to get in his corner.
The idea of being the other woman, the person Laurie’s parents will hate with a vengeance, makes me shudder. But maybe, by adopting that role, I can take some of the heat off their son-in-law.
I’ll think about that later. The most important thing now is finding Anders.
And Anders is nowhere to be seen.
