His eyes light up. ‘You will?’
‘Of course.’
He grabs my face and presses a long kiss onto my lips. I break away, giggling. ‘But look, let’s not tell anyone yet. It’s Nathan and Lucy’s day.’
‘Okay.’ He beams and I’m glad I’ve made him happy.
I’ve just said yes to getting married! What the hell am I thinking?My heart starts to pound and I feel dizzy.Why did I do that? Why?
Richard puts his arm around me and pulls me tighter. I feel like I’m suffocating. I flap my hand in front of my face.
‘Are you alright?’ he asks with concern.
‘Feeling a little faint. I didn’t eat enough for breakfast.’
‘We’ll be eating at the reception soon,’ he says. ‘Do you want me to get you anything?’ He pats his pockets, as though expecting a packet of biscuits to appear miraculously.
‘No, no, it’s okay.’ I manage a weak smile. ‘I might stand up by the railings though, get some air.’
‘Okay.’ He rises to his feet to come with me. I wish he wouldn’t. I want some time to myself right now, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He leads the way and we go to join Sam.
‘Alright, mate?’ Richard says. ‘Mikey looks like he’s enjoying himself.’
‘He loves boats,’ Sam comments woefully. ‘Always going on about them. “Boat! Boat! Boat!” It’s all I ever hear.’
He tries to laugh it off, but there’s fear in Sam’s eyes. Mikey was named after Sam’s dad. His parents died in a boating accident years ago and I imagine he’s terrified of the same thing happening to his son.
I lean over the railings and hang out as we approach the Sydney Opera House. It’s quite windy today and multicoloured sailboats are out in force. To my right, Sam and Richard continue to chat.
Are you happy, Ben?
I waited for him for two years. I was like a zombie when he left. I don’t know how I managed to get through school. If it hadn’t been for Shane’s sister Tammy, I would have crumbled to dust. She picked me up. She introduced me to people. I made new friends. I settled in. I gradually started to move on.
But I never forgot him. And I never got over him. The day he got married was the day I felt like my life had ended. And a year later, when Michael revealed that Ben and Charlotte were trying for a baby, I found the willpower to stop asking about him.
My eighteenth birthday came and went. But there was no going back to England now. He had destroyed it for me. I never wanted to go home again.
The sad thing was, Michael asked Mum to marry him. I know, fancy saying that: ‘the sad thing was . . .’ It should have been a happy event, but it was the ultimate kiss of death for their relationship. Poor Michael. He should have known better. I still tell myself he had a lucky escape. Anyway, Mum decided to check out the men in Sydney. I didn’t have to go with her, but I thought perhaps a fresh start would be a good idea. Adelaide was still too painful. Even after all that time, talk of the conservation park, glances up at Mount Lofty, going into the city or to the beach and – God forbid – any of my friends arranging to meet at the lily pond . . . It all hurt too much. And the pain never seemed to dull. No guy could have taken my mind off him. I was asked out on several occasions, but I always said no. I thought maybe I’d feel differently if I moved to another part of Australia. It took a while, but I finally started to date again.
I met Richard two years ago when he’d just returned from the UK, of all places. He went there with his builder buddy Nathan to travel and get some work experience in another country. Now the two of them own a small construction business together. It keeps them busy.
Cheering brings me back to the present. The ferry is pulling into Circular Quay and our wedding party is preparing to get off. Up ahead, Nathan has lifted Lucy into his arms. Everyone claps as he carries his bride off the boat.
Despite my own reservations about marriage, I can’t help but smile. They make such a lovely couple. They always have. Lucy looks beautiful in a long, simple white dress. Nathan looks even more gorgeous than usual in a slim-fitting black suit and white shirt. No tie. I’ve never seen Nathan in a tie. He may be doing grown-up things like getting married, but he’s still a messy dark-haired surfer boy at heart.
When I met Richard, it didn’t take him long to introduce me to his friends: Nathan, Lucy, Sam and Molly. Sam is Nathan’s older brother and is married to Molly, and Mikey is their eighteen-month-old son. They welcomed me into their group with open arms, and for that I’m thankful. I had made friends in Sydney through work, but I never stopped missing my old pals Tammy, Vickie and Jo from school in Adelaide. Richard and his friends finally made me feel like Sydney was my home.
At the moment I’m working as a receptionist in the city for a large publishing house called Tetlan. It publishes all sorts of magazines, from celebrity ones to women’s glossies, teen titles and lads’ mags. I sit with two other girls and it’s our job to make a good first impression on the visitors coming to the building. My colleagues, Nicola and Mel, are grab-life-by-the-horns individuals who always make me laugh. It’s a good job. I like it. Shame it’s temporary. The girl I’m covering for is only on maternity leave for a few more months. I don’t know what I’ll do after that.
When Ben left, I couldn’t take photos any more. I didn’t have the heart. I thought my passion would return some day, but I try not to think about it too much. And now it all feels like I’ve left it too late. As for becoming a vet, well, that’s almost laughable. I didn’t go back to work at the conservation park. To this day I can’t think of our little koala Olivia without a lump coming to my throat. I never saw her again. She was relocated to another conservation park in South Australia and I didn’t even get to say goodbye.
I put all these things into a little box inside my heart and keep it locked tightly shut. They only come out to bother me in the darkness of the night sometimes when I can’t sleep and when I allow myself to imagine what might have been if he hadn’t left . . .
The wedding reception is being held at a trendy bar right on the harbour. Richard takes my hand and swings it enthusiastically as we follow the crowd.
‘Are you feeling better now?’ he asks, looking down at me.
My Richard has short brown hair and warm brown eyes. I thought he was quite fanciable when he started chatting to me at a bar on the night we met, but I swear he’s become better-looking the more I’ve got to know him. At six foot two, he’s taller than me by just the right amount, and he’s tanned and toned from working outside on building sites all day. Even though he and Nathan own the company, the pair of them like to muck in and get their hands dirty, which is something I respect him for.
