‘I don’t think you do,’ he says. ‘It was hard enough losing you last time. At least I didn’t put my heart on the line, only to have it crushed to smithereens.’
‘Unlike me. I told you how I felt.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he says softly. ‘I hated walking away from you.’
‘But you did. You didn’t have to – and what you said to me back then was wrong. I wasn’t okay, I wasn’tfine, after you left. I was broken and no one has been able to fix me.’
‘What else could I have done? You were sixteen, for Christ’s sake!’
‘You could have waited for me. I would have been eighteen in two years and then I could have done what I wanted.’
‘That would have meant makingyouwait forme! I couldn’t do that to you! I couldn’t expect you to put your life on hold. For all I knew it was a teenage crush.’
‘It wasn’t a teenage crush.’
He steps towards me. ‘I know.’
I stay where I am, rooted to the spot. He cups my face with his hands and I feel like I’m drowning in his ocean-coloured eyes.
‘I love you,’ he says. ‘More now than ever. I’ve been talking to you inside my head for the last ten years.’
Me too. . .
‘And the thought of losing you again kills me,’ he continues. ‘But you’re right. I am the one who left. I hurt you back then and you have every reason to want to hurt me now.’
‘I’m not doing tha—’
‘Shhh. It’s okay. I deserve it.’ His hands drop from my face. ‘But I’ve got to back off now. That’s all I’m going to say. You have a decision to make and I can’t interfere with that. I don’t want to be responsible for ruining your life if this guy Richard is the right man for you.’ He checks his watch. ‘You’d better get back to work.’
‘I can’t go back to work now!’ I wail.
‘Yes, you can. You have to. You can’t mess up this opportunity.’
I pull out another tissue and wipe away my tears.
‘I’ll walk you back,’ he says.
‘I’d rather you didn’t.’
He nods, not looking at me.
‘I need time to compose myself,’ I sniffle.
‘Okay,’ he says.
‘I’ll call you.’
‘I’ll be waiting.’ His eyes meet mine for a moment and the pain is intense. He nods brusquely. ‘See you soon.’ And then he walks away.
I stay down that narrow street for five minutes, trying to get myself together before I turn and walk hurriedly back to the office. My mind is racing, but all I want to do is find a quiet place to cry. Cry so hard that I’ll have nothing left in me. Unfortunately though, I know there’s no chance of using up my supply. I have many, many more tears to come.
I arrive back at the office fifteen minutes early and walk through reception, planning on keeping my head down. But the moment my eyes flick to Mel and Nicola behind the desk, they know that something is wrong.
‘What’s up?’ Nicola mouths with concern. I glance at Cara to their right, and find my feet walking in their direction instead of towards the lifts. They both get up and hurry with me to the toilets behind the reception desk, Mel telling Cara to hold the fort because they’ll be back in a minute. As soon as the door closes, I’m in floods of tears again.
‘What’s wrong?’ Nicola asks out loud this time.
Mel puts her hand on my arm. ‘Is it Richard?’ she asks.
