‘Then why didn’t you?’ he interrupts. ‘How could you keep something like this quiet?’
‘I was so confused when you came back into my life. I had no idea what was going to happen.’
‘And now you’re telling me this so I don’t put my life on hold for you? So I go back to Adelaide?’
‘No, that’s not it at all. I don’t want you to leave.’
‘But if I do, then that makes your decision pretty damn tidy, doesn’t it.’
‘Please. I can’t bear the thought of losing you again.’
‘What about your boyfriend?’
‘Richard.’
‘I don’t want to know his name!’ he practically shouts, and I understand how he feels because I felt the same when I heard ‘Charlotte’ mentioned the first time – and every time since, if we’re being truthful. ‘What about him? Does he know about me?’
I feel ashamed. ‘I haven’t told him anything.’
‘Were you planning on telling him?’
‘I don’t know. I’ve been so confused!’ I cry. The sight of tears rolling down my cheeks seems to calm him. He takes my hand and leads me off the footpath into a quiet side street.
‘It seems pretty clear-cut to me,’ he says. ‘You can never say anything to your . . .’ He pauses, unable to even say the word ‘boyfriend’, let alonefiancé. ‘And I’ll go to Adelaide and you can get on with your life.’
‘I don’t want that.’ I shake my head adamantly.
‘Then it gets complicated.’
‘I know.’
‘Lily, I can’t make this decision for you. It has to be yours.’
A bizarre thought suddenly strikes me. We haven’t even kissed! He hasn’t told me he loves me! Yet here we are, acting like I actually have a choice to make between two men. Isn’t this conversation a little premature?
We meet each other’s eyes. Mine are brimming with tears; his are filled with sadness.
‘You’ve never even told me how you feel about me,’ I say quietly.
‘I thought it was obvious.’
‘It’s not.’
He looks even more pained. ‘You know I think you’re special.’
‘Mydadthinks I’m special. That doesn’t count.’
‘What do you want me to say?’
‘I want you to say it out loud.’
‘You want me to bare my soul to you.’
‘Yes.’
‘It’s very difficult when I’ve just found out you’re engaged to someone else.’
‘I understand.’ How could he love me when I’ve deceived him like this?
