‘Are you really? That’s excellent.’ He knows all about how I covered for Bronte before. ‘Is it just for a week?’
‘Yeah. Apparently the editorial assistant is on a shoot.’
‘A photo-shoot?’
‘Yes. In Bali.’
‘Cool. I didn’t know editorial assistants got to do things like that.’
‘Neither did I,’ I admit. ‘I think she’s started helping out on the picture desk a bit more. I suspect that’s where she’d like to work.’
‘Pretty good stepping stone, then.’
‘That’s what I was thinking.’
‘Would you like to work on the picture desk?’ he asks.
‘Yeah. Definitely more than what I’m doing now.’
‘But it’s still not photography, eh?’
I say nothing as my mood dips once more, then I tell him: ‘I haven’t used my camera at all.’
‘Why not?’ He’s taken aback.
‘I’m thinking it cost too much.’
He looks relieved. ‘Well, if that’s all it is, I can help you.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Let me help you buy it.’
‘No!’ I say loudly, coming to my senses.
‘Why not? Think of how many Christmases and birthdays I’ve missed out on over the years. I probably owe you a couple of grand by now,’ he jokes, but I’m not laughing.
‘No. Absolutely not.’
‘Alright. In that case, I’ll lend you the money and you can pay me back when you want to. Interest-free. How about that?’
‘No, Ben.’ I sigh.
‘You can’t return it,’ he says adamantly. ‘Have you looked into any courses?’
I shake my head because I can’t bear to say it out loud.
‘You’ve got plenty of time,’ he says reassuringly. ‘Stop doubting yourself. If you’re worried you’ve left it too late now, think of how pissed off you’ll be in five years’ time when you’re still regretting never doing anything about it.’
I sigh again. ‘I know you’re right. But enough about me. What have you been up to?’
‘Well . . .’ He hesitates outside a café. ‘Do you want to go in here?’
‘Sure. But Ben, what is it?’
‘Come inside and I’ll tell you.’
A feeling of dread starts to fill me up. I can’t move.
