“If you think about it, losing my job is the best thing that could happen to me. Now I have all this free time to dedicate myself to my real career.”
I’d encouraged this. I’d lied to him for years, gushing over his talent, swearing I couldn’t wait to see his stories on the big screen. I figured he’d get it out of his system eventually.
I figuredI’d do that, too.
Here comes the part about me being a liar and a cheater. Behind my boyfriend’s back, I hadalsobeen working on a screenplay. And contrary to him, I was good at it.Reallygood.
It had started when I’d read his latest script, about two hit men on the run from a third one, with no one really sure who’s supposed to kill whom. Suspense and hilarity ensued. Or at least, they were supposed to.
The plot made no sense and it was deeply unfunny. I’m pretty sure it was hisworsteffort yet. So of course I gushed about how brilliant he was, and then fought the urge to take a shower so I could wash the greasy betrayal off me.
That night, as I drifted off to sleep, I had the idea of a vengeful mistress who kills her lover and then does everything she can to make him appear still alive to the outside world, devastated by regrets over her rash action. When I woke up, I was intrigued enough that I wrote about it in my notes app.
It was the first creative thing I’d written since that class where I’d metBen. Carmen always said I was good at crafting stories, so I was in charge of writing press releases, but I hadn’t done much beyond that.
Over the next few days, I fleshed out my idea. Just for fun. I caught myself daydreaming about the characters, their goals and motivations. Scenes started playing out in my head. I told myself I was only trying to understand what Ben was going through. If I knew firsthand how hard it was to write a good screenplay, I could be even more supportive.
I wrote a few pages, and then more. I couldn’t believe the kick I got out of it, seeing the page number go up on my screen, until I typed THE END. I was loving it: the process and the finished work. And I was terrified. This was Ben’s talent. Ben’s dream. Ben’s lifelong pursuit. He would feel so hurt if he knew what I was doing.
Ben had received yet another round of rejections from agents, and he was so dejected about it. One morning, I heard him crying in the shower. I thought about deleting the file from my computer but couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I saved it under a made-up name, in a folder marked Admin.
That was around the time Ben begged me to ask Carmen if she had any contacts who could help. It was a huge favor, but I did what he wanted me to do, because that’s the kind of girlfriend I am. Or was. I never expected Carmen to follow through.
These are old friends and important people, Carmen had said.Tell Golden Boy not to embarrass me.
She’d laughed but the message was clear. I could have deleted the contacts. I could have done anything but what I actually did, which was to send themmyscreenplay instead. I was curious, okay? One of them emailed me back within days: Shelovedit. It was the best thing she’d read in a long while and her team agreed. She wanted to discuss it with me, as soon as possible. I hadn’t responded to that email or any of the ones thatfollowed, because I couldn’t bring myself to tell Ben that I might achieve, in a few short months, what he’d desperately attempted to for years.
It would break him. He would never forgive me, not even now that this Harper girl swore he was on the cusp of making it. Whatever her deal was, I knew it would end badly. I’d been there every time Ben’s hopes had been crushed, and it wasn’t pretty.
But now, it was a hundred times worse. I’d betrayed my loving boyfriend. I’d lied to him. I’d cheated on him with his first love.
If he found out, it would destroy us.
I understood all of this very clearly.
So I would keep ignoring the producer’s emails. I would make sure Ben never found out I got Carmen’s contacts. I would force myself to stop wondering whether I was throwing away the opportunity of a lifetime.
Because I already had a great life.
What I didn’t see, as Ben kissed me good night, was that it was already collapsing around me. And instead of trying to salvage what I could, I went along on my merry way, screwing it all up for good.
Dis-Moi ToutPodcast
DM1:We’ve been coming to Cannes for four years now, right?
DM2:I’ll always remember my first time.
DM1:But do you feel like this time is a little, I don’t know, extra?
DM2:Just wait until we tell you what we heard.
DM1:And this news isn’t just gossip. It’s actually confirmed. Well, some of it is.
DM2:Remember how we weren’t sure Fiona Pills was going to turn up to Cannes?
DM1:And then we were sure shewasn’tgoing to come because the movie studio released a statement that she had a conflict in her schedule and was sending her regrets.
DM2:So it’s the night of the premiere. Everyone’s going up the red carpet. It’s all happening.
