“Of course it’s hard,” I started. “Not everybody can handle the artist’s life.”
“That’s not what I mean. What’s hard is that I have to tell you something and I don’t want you to freak out. So here goes. There was a round of layoffs at work. The company is struggling.”
There was an awkward silence as a server came to clear our appetizers and another delivered our mains, grilled salmon over wild rice for me and steak and fries for him. Ben knew my taste well, but I’d lost my appetite.
“When?” I asked.
He wouldn’t look at me. “A month ago.”
My feelings ping-ponged between annoyance and relief, back and forth on an endless loop. This explained a lot. Why Ben had been so aloof recently. Why he could take the time off to come to Cannes at the last minute. I wanted to be mad at him for hiding it from me, but I was not one to talk.
“It’s their loss. You’ll find something else in no time.”
Ben slowly swallowed his last bite.
“That’s the thing. I don’twantto find something else. Now that I’m working with Harper—”
I couldn’t help but raise my voice. “You met her yesterday!”
“This is my big chance. I know you’ll see that one day. You’ll understand.”
I cleared my throat. I already felt like an asshole, and I hadn’t even asked the question burning my lips yet.
“Do your parents know about this? Will they help?”
Ben pushed the side of his cheek with his tongue. “I have some savings, and our rent is doable on your salary, once you get that pay rise.”
He paused, probably because he saw the look of horror on my face. We’d moved in together over a year ago, and I loved our modern one-bedroom apartment in Venice Beach. Most of our furniture wasn’t even thrifted. I was so proud of our little nest, how cozy we’d made it. It was a lot more than many twenty-somethings could claim. More than I thought I’d ever have at this age. And now Ben wanted to throw it all away?
“I don’t think I can support us both financially, even if I get that payraise. We worked so hard to build the life we have—”
“I’m going to make it, Marnie. This is my moment. Just trust me, okay?”
There was nothing more to say. Ben made a show of putting dinner on his credit card—his treat!—and suggested we take a detour to walk along the promenade. My phone had been silent the whole time, and I texted Carmen to check in as we left the restaurant. There was a Q&A after the movie, which should be happening about now. Part of me hoped Carmen would summon me back to her so I had an excuse to walk away from whatever had just happened, but she only sent back a thumbs-up emoji.
So Ben and I walked, hand in hand, wind in our hair. He was humming a song that had played at the restaurant. Look at us, young and in love in the South of France.
Inside, I was freaking out. I didn’t care about Ben’s family being well-off. I would make my own money and live my own life, thank you very much. But I never expected I’d have to supporthim. I thought we wanted the same things. In a few years we might have enough savings for a down payment on a nice little house. We’d get a large table to host dinner parties and wouldn’t always buy the cheapest wine.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Ben said, breaking a long silence.
Seagulls flew overhead. A session of Cinéma Plages on the beach had just ended, and people talked about the film as they filed out onto the promenade.
I managed a weak smile. “What are you thinking?”
“We could honeymoon here.”
It was Ben who’d first brought up talk of marriage a few months ago. His sister was planning her own wedding, so the topic came up naturally. We didn’t want to wait too long. It would be nice to have our first childin our early thirties.
“Yeah, a French honeymoon would be nice.”
Ben wrapped me in his arms and kissed me.
“I’m not asking you to support me for long.”
He hadn’t asked at all.
“Uh-huh.”
