“Shiloh...” His voice was so low, it cracked.
Her voice was low, too. “I know you wouldn’t do that, Cary.”
“Come here.” He pulled her down against his chest. He pressed his face into her hair and cupped the back of her head. “Listen to me: You should have sex because youwantto. Not as some sort of damage control.”
“Idowant to.”
“You sound scared.”
She looked up at him, pushing back against his grip. “That’s the point—I don’twantto be scared. I want it to be, like, lovely. And worth remembering.”
Cary took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Every cell in his body felt divided. “I don’t know...”
“What don’t you know?”
“This is juststrange,” he said. “I feel like we’re passing a resolution. Sex is supposed to be more organic than this.”
“How do you know? You’re no expert.”
“You’re trying tomanageit.”
“Cary, we’re just talking.”
“No.” He pulled his hand away from her. “You’re maneuvering. You’re always maneuvering. It’s not even chess—it’s more overt than that. You’re always making plans.”
Shiloh frowned. “Sorry I’m notorganicenough for you. Let’s just goback to kissing, and then we canaccidentallyhave sex like everyone else in the world.”
She tried to kiss him. He caught her jaw and held it. “You want to have sex with me because I make you feel safe. That’s what you’re saying, right?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that’s kind of an insult, Shiloh.”
She looked shocked. “Why is that aninsult? There’s nothing better than feeling safe. And probably nothing more rare.”
Cary sighed. He felt himself losing this argument—or losing the will to argue. “Sex is supposed to be exciting.”
“Look at all you have to teach me...”
He sighed again.
“Youdon’tthink it would be exciting, Cary?”
He was so lost. “I didn’t say that.”
“You’re not saying anything!”
“That’s not true.” Cary shook his head. “Sometimes, in our history, that’s been true. But it’s not true right now.”
Shiloh let her head drop to his chest. “Do you really not want to? If you really don’t want to, I’ll stop.” She was giving in. Sometimes Shiloh gave in as soon as she’d won.
He couldn’t see her face. He touched her cheek. He ran his fingers through her hair. “I just don’t want you to regret this.”
“Cary, honestly... I’ve never regretted anything with you.”
This was all very dumb. Shiloh didn’t have condoms—she didn’t even know anyone who might have a condom.
Cary ended up walking to a convenience store. “This is going to take at least twenty minutes,” he said. “You’ll probably be asleep when I get back.”
