He pulled his head back. “That’s not a compelling reason.”
Shiloh lifted herself up onto her elbow, resting her head on her hand. Her lips and chin were red from kissing. “It feels pretty compelling, from my perspective.”
“We just talked about how I’m leaving,” Cary said, “and how we don’t know when we’ll even see each other again.”
“Exactly.This is our chance.” She touched his neck. Her eyes were big and brown. “Please, Cary. I don’t want to go on being someone who hasn’t done this.” She looked down at her hand. “And I want to do it with you.”
Cary cleared his throat. “Why me?”
She looked up into his eyes again. “Apart from the fact that we’re currently lying in my bed? Because Iknowyou. And I trust you. I probably trust you more than anyone else on earth. I know you won’t hurt me.”
“Of course I won’t hurt you.”
She smiled. “And I like you. And you like me.” She hooked her finger in the neck of his undershirt and pulled. “You like me, right?”
“Yes.” His voice was flat. “I like you.”
She twisted his shirt in her fingers. “I’m always going to remember the first time. And if it’s with you, I know I won’t regret it.”
Cary tried to take that in without actually taking it in, without letting it mean too much. “You might still regret it,” he said. “You should wait and do this with someone you love.”
Shiloh sat up more. Her voice got louder. She pulled harder on his shirt. “Do you really think that’s necessary? Most of my friends are doing it with”—she made a noise likepfft—“whoever,honestly. And besides, sex is just athing,right? An activity? It’s not magical. Or holy. It’s just bodies. Biology. You don’t need true love to unlock your vagina—virginity is a construct, Cary.”
“I only agree with fifteen to twenty percent of what you’re saying,” he said. His T-shirt was cutting into the back of his neck.
Shiloh kept going. “And if love is an important factor... well, I probably loveyou. Like”—she let go of his shirt to wave her arm—“I don’t know what else to call this.” She lowered her eyebrows. Her voice dropped to a mumble. “There’s nothing you could do to get on my bad side, Cary. There’s no time that I don’t want to see you...” She tugged at the hem of his shirt, still looking troubled. “It’s like I’ve already made a permanent home for you in my heart.”
Cary didn’t trust himself to speak.
Shiloh lifted her head suddenly. She poked his stomach. “Wait. Are you saying thatyoudon’t want to have sex with someone unless you’re in love with them?”
Cary couldn’t look away from her face. “I’m not saying that. Exactly.”
She shrugged. “I mean, you’ve already done it, right?”
“Yeah.”
“With Angie?”
He didn’t want to hear Shiloh talk about Angie. “Yes.”
“Doyouregret it?”
“I...” He didn’t even want tothinkabout Angie. “I don’t want to talk about my previous experiences. Is this a job interview?”
“No.I’m not expecting you to be an expert. That’s not why I want this.”
“Good, Shiloh. Because I’m not an expert.”
She made a fist in the fabric over his stomach. (She wasruininghis T-shirt. He was glad he’d taken off his long-sleeved uniform shirt.) “But you know the steps,” she said, “right? You won’t get embarrassed.”
Cary exhaled, disagreeably. “I’ll probably still get embarrassed.”
“But you won’t embarrassme.” She pushed her fist into his stomach. “Like, you won’t do anything to humiliate me. I know you wouldn’t.”
“Of course not.”
She was looking down at his stomach, biting her lip. “You won’t laugh at me or judge me or tell stories about me.”
