She gave him the look she’d given him before skinny-dipping, before parasailing: a mixture of exasperation and disbelief. “Fine. Beyond the experimentation phase at uni, which I’m going to gloss over, I’ve had two relationships. I met Charles through a friend of a friend. He was a lawyer, soft-spoken. A really nice guy. But I was twenty-five and I’d just started at Techtonic. Already I had it in my mind I wanted to be CIO by the time I was forty, so if I had to work late, I’d work late.” Her mouth twisted in a sad smile. “There’s only so long a guy, even a really nice one, can put up with being toldSorry, I can’t see you tonight. Something’scomeup. Turns out eighteen months was the limit.”
Yeah, he heard the warning. “But you tried again.”
“I did. And I regretted it so much, I’ve spent the past four years totally celibate.”
“Until me.” It was hard to keep the smug out of his voice.
“You shouldn’t sound so pleased with yourself. Charles was hurt, but I left Jeremy devastated.” To his astonishment, her voice cracked. “The fool had even bought me an engagement ring. The night I called it off, he’d been about to propose. I realized only when I saw him lurch to his feet as the waiter came over carrying a bottle of champagne, two glasses, and a ring on a cushion.” She jerked her head, turning it away from the camera while she wiped at her eyes. “He was mortified. I was mortified.”
“You warned him right from the start that you didn’t want serious.” It wasn’t a question. He knew her.
“He thought that would change when I met the One.” Her eyes lifted to his, full of sadness, regret. “He believed that was him when in reality he was another really sweet guy who I ended up hurting.”
“You’re telling me you won’t put yourself through that again.”
Her gaze locked on his. “I’m telling you I don’t want either of us to go through that again.”
He nodded. “I understand, but I’m different to Jeremy and to Charles. I don’t expect to be put first. Plus I have a daughter who will always be my priority.”
She gave him a small smile. “And so she should be.”
He’d listened. Now he needed to get her to listen. “You know, life isn’t about navigating through it as conveniently as possible, Livvy. It’s aboutlivingit. Sometimes we need to relinquish control, take risks, choose the hard path instead of the easy one, because for at least part of that journey, the views will be phenomenal.”
“And in this analogy, you’re a view?” Her tone was dry as dust.
He winked and pointed to his bare chest. “Come on, you know you like this particular view.”
She groaned but didn’t deny it. “You’re trouble, Connor. I knew it from the moment you flashed that cocky grin at me.”
“You think I’m trouble now, you should have met me when I was eighteen.”
“I’d have been twenty-nine.” She arched an eyebrow, edges of her mouth lifting in what could only be called a smirk. “Far too sensible to be charmed by a cocksure bartender.”
“Maybe.” Deliberately, he lowered his voice to a husk: “What about thirty-nine-year-old you?”
“Seriously? You’re trying to seduce me with your sex voice?”
A slow smile slid across his face. “Is it working?”
Her eyes, so direct, so pretty, found his. “I’m not sure. You’ll have to try a lot harder.”
“Trust me, it can’t get a lot harder.” He reached down and wrapped his hand around his throbbing erection.
She rolled her eyes, laughter dancing across her face, but then he angled the phone and let her see the V of his abdomen that he worked hard to achieve in his makeshift gym in the shed and her breath caught. “Damn, you win.”
When they finally said goodbye, he flopped back on the bed, arousal temporarily quenched but his desire to see her burning brighter than ever. He lived for their calls, the chance to open up, and, yes, to flirt but also to talk in a way he couldn’t with anyone else. Seeing her on the screen wasn’t enough. He wanted to touch her, hold her. Inhale her scent, feel the softness of her skin.
And he wasn’t sure how much longer he could continue to play by her rules.
Chapter 21
She’d started the day with her usual three-mile run along the Thames, setting a personal best. There had been no problems on the tube. Her morning meetings hadn’t run over, so she didn’t just make the Friday lunch date with Meera, she beat her to the restaurant.
But the message Olivia had just read from Connor threw a wrench into her neatly ordered day.
Ellie with her grandparents tonight. Let me come over. Do to you in person the things we’ve talked about.
“Whoa.” Meera stared at her, wide-eyed. “That’s the first time I’ve ever seen you blush. Whatever that message said, I want to know.”
