He’d insisted on putting it into football language so he could understand how she thought she was doing. “I think so. And Meera agrees. She’s—”
“Your best mate.”
“Yes.” Pleasure fluttered through her. He didn’t pretend to listen—hedidlisten. “I’m in trouble with her, though, because I thought I’d told her about Stuart cocking up and sending the wrong quarterly deck to one of his largest clients, but it turns out it was you I told. She was miffed. Said she used to be the one I talked to.”
“I’m sorry for causing problems with your friend but not sorry you’re talking to me. Not sorry at all,” he added softly.
His earnest expression caused a sharp twist in her chest. This, what they were doing, wasn’t keeping the distance between them she’d wanted. It was drawing them closer. “How’s Ellie?”
“She’s good. Started back at school.” He exhaled heavily, his expression turning sober, reflective. “Most of her friends have been on fancy holidays with their parents over the summer. She had a month in Devon with one set of grandparents and weeks of cutting up vegetables and laying tables in the restaurant with her dad. I’m terrified I’m ruining her life,” he added quietly. “She deserves more than an incompetent single father.”
It annoyed her that he couldn’t see what she could. “All any child needs is attention and to be loved.” She remembered how much it hurt not to get either from her own father. “You give her both.”
“I try, but what if it’s not enough?” He drew a restless hand down his face. “I wish her mother was more involved, gave her something aside from an occasional video call.”
Her curiosity burned too bright to ignore. “Tell me about Amy, about how you came to be a single dad.” His eyes shut, and she felt an unexpected flare of jealousy. “But not if it’s too painful.”
He laughed, low and humorless. “It’s painful to talk about, yeah, but not in the way you think. I’m ashamed.”
“You were twenty, Connor. I’m not going to judge you.”
“I don’t see why not. Everyone else did.” He rubbed his neck, bringing into focus the leather straps around his wrist, the muscular forearms that made her knees weak. “Amy comes from wealth; her parents are loaded. She’s the youngest of three, the wild child, and I guess she saw in me a kindred spirit. We met at the bar I worked at. She was with a group of friends who kept ordering cocktails and flirting heavily with me. The next week it was the same, only her friends hung back, leaving her to do the ordering. After closing, she hung around and... I was flattered, horny, and caught unawares... fuck.” He shook his head, eyes darting away from the phone camera. “There’s no excuse for having unprotected sex in the back of a bar,” he said finally, his voice tight. “She came by a few more times, and I was prepared then, but the damage had been done. When she told me she was pregnant, I asked her to marry me, but she wasn’t interested. Her exact words were ‘Get stuck with you? Are you kidding me?’”
Anger flared on his behalf and morphed into something fiercer when she remembered his comment about how being second best wasn’t new to him. Clearly it hadn’t been only his parents who’d inflicted damage. “I’m sorry. That must have been hard to hear, but you stood up when it counted. There is no shame in that.”
“I also got a woman pregnant when I was barely capable of looking after myself.”
“It takes two to make a baby, Connor,” she reminded him quietly. “What happened after she turned you down?”
“She wanted to have an abortion but I pleaded with her to have the baby. Promised I’d look after it even though I had no clue how I was going to do that. Thankfully her parents sided with me, said they’d help, and my parents were kind of pushed into saying the same. True to her word, the day Amy gave birth, she handed this crying baby over to me and said, ‘She’s all yours.’ A week later, Amy left the country to go traveling. Eight years on and she’s still traveling. She tells everyone who asks that she makes jewelry but in reality, she’s living off her parents’ money. She has video calls with Ellie now and again when prompted, but she’s not seen her in person since the day she handed her over.”
“And have you dated anyone since Amy?”
He let out a choked laugh. “You think I’ve had time to date? The first few years with Ellie, I worked nights at the bar and spent the days changing nappies and making up bottles. After that it was potty training and trying to get her into a routine, something I’d failed to do despite Mum’s constant reminders. It got easier when she went to school and I finally found a job I could do around her hours.”
“You’re telling me you’ve never been in a relationship?” She couldn’t keep the surprise out of her voice.
He gave her a long, steady look through the screen. “It’s taken everything I’ve got just to be a dad, a man deserving of a daughter. Sure, I’ve made the most of it when Ellie’s been with her grandparents, but there’s been nobody I’ve wanted to spend time with, nobody I’ve wanted Ellie to get to know. Not until you.”
Her heart floundered. Connor the good-time guy had been hard to say goodbye to. Connor the devoted dad, the man who’d given up his carefree twenties to face up to his responsibilities...
How was she going to say goodbye tohim?
Connor’s heart was in his mouth as he stared at a silent Olivia through the screen. He shouldn’t have mentioned Ellie. Nothing saidI want to be in a relationshipmore than telling Olivia he wanted his daughter to get to know her.
“Say something.”
Olivia’s eyes flickered to his. “I’m trying to fit what you’ve just told me with the impression I had of you in Nantucket, which was quite different.”
“I’m the same person. Having Ellie meant I had to squash the carefree part of me and try and become this person who was steady, responsible.” He let out a sharp laugh. “I’m still trying.”
“Ellie looked happy,” she told him. “You must be doing a good job.”
A lump formed into his throat. “Thanks. Sometimes I believe that. Other times, like when we turn up to school and she’s the only one not in a costume because I forgot it was World Book Day or when I get a call wondering where she is because the bus is waiting for her and it turns out I forgot to read the slip in her bag about the school trip—those days I realize I’m lucky she’s growing into this amazing persondespitemy incompetence.” Shit, he was choking up. He dragged a hand through his hair, taking a second to compose himself. “So, I told you about Amy. How about you tell me about your past relationships?”
A little shake of her head. “Are we really doing this?”
“It’s only fair.”
