“You will not,” Theodora whispered. Her voice sounded foreign, scraped raw from all the emotions. “I do not have anything left here. Life at a convent does not seem so bad and you can visit me.”
She offered her mother a small reassuring smile.
But her mother’s face crumpled. “Oh, sweetheart…”
Theodora stared at her hands. They didn’t feel like hers. Nothing felt like hers anymore. “He is really sending me away, Mother. There is nothing we can do.”
Lady Dowell nodded as she cried. “He cannot get away this.”
Theodora swallowed. “He will because it was my wrongdoing.”
“No. It is because of his own selfish reasons,” she corrected gently. “Not because of anyone else.”
Theodora let out a shaky breath. “I am sorry, Mother. I know how much you loved Father and I thought he loved you too, until...”
Her mother closed her eyes for a moment, as if steadying herself. When she opened them again, there was clarity there Theodora had never seen before.
“There was never any real love between us.”
Theodora was taken aback by her words. Her mother always spoke about how in love she was with Lord Dowell even when she and her sister witnessed otherwise.
“I do not understand.”
Lady Dowell gave a small, sad smile. “Your Father and I were young when we married. We were matched by our parents and considered to be… compatible enough. Eventually, we grew used to each other. That was all.”
“But you never—” Theodora struggled to find the right word. “—you never said anything. I mean, I thought there was more than what Evelina and I had seen and we imagined that perhaps it was just hidden from us.”
“Oh no, darling. I gave up expecting more from your father long ago,” her mother said. “Not sweetness, nor tenderness, nor affection. Those things were luxuries, and not necessities. That is what I was taught. But I always tried to make you and Evelina believe in the possibilities of love. So, we agreed not to argue in front of you girls and to keep the peace. And for a long time, I believed we respected each other until…”
“Until I told you about his affair.” Theodora finished for her.
Her mother looked towards the door where her husband had just walked through. “And I am grateful for that, Theo. Because now I know that he clearly did not respect me.”
Theodora’s chest tightened. “But I am so very sorry…”
Her mother reached up and brushed a strand of hair from Theodora’s face. “Do not apologize. When you and Evelina grew up and started theCorset ChroniclesI decided to spend some time alone in Bath. I was much happier there. I did not realize how unhappy I was with your father until I left.”
Theodora admired the woman before her. She saw her mother in a new light. She always believed that her running away to Bath showed weakness but today she realized that her mother was independent. She did what felt right for her. It was slightly disheartening then that she and her sister had not spent more time with their mother, but Theodora knew that even if they had, Lady Dowell would not have told them the truth about how she felt.
“Why did you not leave altogether?”
“Because of you,” her mother said softly. “Because I could not leave you or your sister behind.”
Theodora’s throat burned.
She stayed for me.
“I am so sorry.”
Her mother shook her head. “No. You do not apologize forhischoices.”
Theodora leaned into her mother’s shoulder, exhaustion weighing her down. “I do not know what to do.”
“Nor do I.” Her mother wrapped an arm around her. “But we will think of something.”
“Father has already written to them,” Theodora whispered. “He already decided.”
“Then we will decide something else,” her mother said firmly. “Together.”
