She ignored me. I grabbed her arm as she tried to walk past me. The look of shock on her face when her eyes flitted between me and my hold on her felt like a knife in my heart. It was a look like she didn’t recognize me.
I released her; she didn’t have to ask.
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“Because it shouldn’t matter.” She opened the front door.
“It matters to me!”
Her head hung in defeat. I felt like every single word Ispoke was a sucker punch to her, but something so deep inside of me needed to know. It was a part of myself I didn’t recognize—a part I couldn’t control.
“She told you she loved your father. That’s what she told you. She told you she didn’t regret one second with him. And you believed her, yet you hated her for finding happiness on the opposite side of your father’s grave. You hated him for choosing to spend his final days with her. You hated yourself for being too young and scared to do anything about his situation.”
Lake turned. “Does that cover it for you? Will it help you sleep at night to know that my family not only lost her, but in some ways we never got her all back because she gave a part of herself to your father? Does it make you feel good to rub it in my face?”
When she blinked, tears trailed down her cheeks, and I was the bastard of all bastards.
“You don’t want the story. You don’t want anyone to come along and disrupt your memories, but you’re A-fucking-OK with digging up my past, a past you don’t even completely understand because Jessica…Jillianhas been this no-go subject for us, and if I can’t tell you that she was in a wedding dress, getting ready to walk down the aisle when I was on my way to the hospital, and that I woke three months later to not only the news of my leg and Ben, but that my brother didn’t get married because of my accidentandthat she ‘committed suicide’ after her parents were murdered… if I can’t tell you that…” she batted away more tears and her voice cracked “…then you’ll never understand that my greatest disability has nothing to do with my missing limb. It’s the sleepless nights and the nightmares and the need to move on with my life and find something that makes me feel like I’m the one who deserved to live.”
“Lake…” I moved toward her.
She shook her head and stepped out the door. “I don’t want your pity, and I don’t want your apologies. I just wanted to spend the Fourth of July with all the people I love most in this world. But you’ve ruined that for me because somehow our losses in life have become a competition. Well… you win. Sorry your dad died. Have a nice holiday.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHASING THE SUN
LAKE
“Wine?”I held up a bottle of sauvignon blanc when Penny opened her door.
“You look like shit, doll face.” She stepped aside. “Come in. Rupert went to visit his parents.”
She poured the wine while I collapsed on her sofa.
“Boy trouble? Can’t be that, can it?”
Penny knew about my past, so much more than Cage did. I recapped the fight we had. Twice. The first time I was sober and gave Cage a lot of slack because he’d been living with unaddressed demons for three years. The second time my ego stepped up to the mic, under the influence of three glasses of wine, and said every mean thing I wanted to say to Cage.
Reason five-hundred and fifty-one why Penny Weiss was just the absolute best: she never bashed Cage. Rupert? He was a 24/7 victim of being thrown under the bus. She somehow knew I needed a sounding board, yet at the same time she knew I loved Cage with ferocity. I was always on board with Flint and keeping our guy “squeaky clean” because in spite of everything, Cage Monaghan really was a kind, genuine soul.
My lover.
My friend.
Myreason.
“I hope you’re not too drunk to remember this.” She giggled. “Hell, I hope I’m not too drunk to say this correctly. I could easily fuck up this advice and you’ll leave here and dump his gorgeous ass. So whatever you do… no matter what I say, don’t dump his gorgeous ass.”
I leaned my head back, closing my eyes. The alcohol made the room spin a bit too much. “Give it to me, Penny Poo.”
“He gave you something very personal, and while I’m sure it came out a bit harsh, the fact is he trusted you explicitly with something so raw. It sounded ugly because it didn’t just flow from him, it ripped past his heart to get to you. And from what you’ve told me, I think you reacted so much better than most, if not all other women, would have done. The love you have for each other is something so… so real, so fucking amazing and earth-shattering that no matter what… you will survive.
“You said it yourself, even when he tries to talk dirty to you, he can’t do it without saying ‘I love you.’ That’s rare and so special, doll face. Do you get it? I’m not sure any other guy, if given the chance to talk dirty to his woman, would waste three of his words on ‘I love you.’ You don’t ask him to say it, hell, you practically give him permission not to say it, but hehas to. For him.Hecan’t be with you and not say it. It’s that fucking important to him.You’rethat important to him.”
I sighed. She was right. “I should go see him, make things right.”
“Oh… no way, honey. His actions are one hundred percent excusable, but they’re still wrongdoings. You need to let him simmer with it and wait for him to come to you. Obviously, he has a lot of emotional shit he’s dealing with. I know it sounds cliché, but time really is the answer.”
