Closing my eyes, darkness enveloping my mind, I let the events of this week really sink in. Everything leads back to him. When the sun comes up tomorrow morning, it’s him I’m going to be missing. I’m not sure how much time passes, but when I open my eyes again, it’s snowing.
A flash of light from a passing car bounces across the wall. The rumble of an engine comes closer and closer until I can hear it without straining, even sitting in my living room, and I wonder who is out this late.
I peek out the window through the thin curtains, and dusted in snow, it’s a minivan.
Dean.
I rush to the door, and peering through the decorative glass on the door, I watch him exit the truck and stand in the driveway. I don’t know how long he stands there or how long I watch him, but snow collects in his hair and on his jacket.
Finally, I build up the courage to open the door and let him see me standing there.
“What are you doing back here? It’s going to be so late by the time you get back.” I call out.
“I’m about to do something really hard for me,” He says, finally climbing the steps to my porch. “Please forgive me.”
“Huh?” I don’t understand as he comes closer, taking my cold hands into his as he makes his way up the steps. I try to pull my hands away, but he just holds them tighter.
“Madeline. Listen. I’m really sorry for this. But please just listen before saying or doing anything.”
“All right,” I stop fighting his grip and listen.
“I was never good at admitting what I need. After my dad died, I never thought I could have something like this. I’m sorry it took me until I almost left you to admit I need you.”
“I’m—”
“Let me keep going. I want you. I know I shouldn’t be asking this, but I can’t leave you, so I’m asking you to come with me,” He says, his voice shaking.
“You want me to come with you? To Allagash?” I ask.
“Yes, to Allagash. I know this is a lot.”
“How?” I sputter. “Like, come with you, come with you?”
“Yes. To move with me to Allagash. You can think about it for as long as you need.”
I don’t have to think twice. “Okay. Yes, I’ll come with you.”
“What about… What about your house?”
“I don’t care. I’m in love with you.. The house is just a place,” I say. “I can be anywhere. All I care about is that I’m with you. I’ll be with you if you let me.”
“Oh, Madeline.” Dean sweeps me into a tight embrace. “I’m in love with you too.”
Love is made for you, if you let it.
17
“Hey!” I’m struggling to get the door open with Dean breathing down my neck. He presses a kiss just under my ear. “Ignore that my house is a mess,” I say as I finally get the door open.
“I don’t give a damn about what your house looks like. I just want to kiss you and not freeze my ass off,” Dean remarks with a laugh. All I can think about is how my entryway is covered in unread newspapers dating back at least two years.
Once we’ve got our coats off, Dean grabs me right in the hallway and presses a determined, hungry kiss to my lips. He’s soft, smooth and sweet all at once—he tastes just as I remembered him. Like coffee on Christmas morning.
“Show me your bedroom,” Dean murmurs between nips of my bottom lip.
“I don’t think we’re going to make it there, I mutter, sucking on his neck, it’s sure to leave a bruise. “The bed is unmade anyway.”
“Again, Madeline, I don’t give a damn about your unmade bed, or how messy your house is. I want your mess. I just want you,” Dean growls in my ear, holding my hair out of the way.
