What have I done? What did I just do?
Jae stands there stunned, his hands releasing me just as fast, going up to his mouth like he can’t believe what he just did either.
I feel a bloodthirsty wave of grief come over me. It looms over me like a comically evil villain, waiting to catch me when I’m down, itching to snatch me up and tear me limb from limb. Oh my god. I just made out with someone else.I stave it off for fear of crying.
Instead of crying, I just laugh. I’m laughing. This is fucking hysterical. But oh my god, I missed it so much. I missed being kissed. I just want to kiss him again.
Jae still stands there, dumbfounded.
“What?” he asks, his voice flustered, like I had just embarrassed him instead of myself.
“I’m so sorry.” I double over and flap my hands at him. “This was a mistake.” I turn towards the door to leave and bury myself under a pile of weighted blankets, but he reaches and yanks my arm to furl me towards him.
“It wasn’t a mistake to me, Riley.”
I’m forced to stare at his eyes. They are not peaceful.
“I—I—” I’m taken aback. He really had meant to kiss me.
“This isn’t a joke to me.”
“This isn’t a joke to me either!” I’m hurling my words at him. Tearing my eyes away from him is an act of violence.
“Riley,” The moment he says my name, I release my vigor and let him pull me close again. He puts a gentle, giant hand on my chin and brings my face to look up at him. I look at him, completely doe-eyed. He is so fucking attractive right now. I somehow manage not to shove my tongue down his throat.
“I like you. Jae. Like, I really like you.” My confession is an act of terrorism.
“I like you too, Riley. I think we should try this.” He knows how nervous I am to try this.“You don’t have to say anything.”
And I don’t. I just kiss him again before weaving my way out of his arms and leaving just as abruptly as I came.
13
Istumble out into the hallway, feeling like the worst possible version of myself. Now, I let my tears fall. I wish I hadn’t left, and like some kind of idiot, I press the down button for the elevator instead of just taking the stairs. Because I am some kind of idiot.
And I hope Jae will come after me.
He does.
Jae opens his door and peers into the hallway, watching me let my tears out like some kind of depraved orphan child getting a slice of bread for the first time in her life.
“Come back here, Riley,” he says from the doorway.
The elevator arrives and the doors open and close, but I don’t move.
“Please come back over here,” Jae asks. “I won’t make you, but I won’t ask again.”
I turn around as if on cue, and march over to him, tears bubbling in my eyes like a fountain at the mall. Like I could stay away even if I wanted to.
“What’s the matter?” Jae whispers quietly. He reaches for my face, using the pads of his thumbs to wipe my tears.
“What do you think?” I retort. I’m colder than ice.
“Was it really that bad?”
I bark out a laugh through boogers and hot tears. “No.”
“This is a first for me, you know.” Jae sounds like he’s lecturing a classroom of rowdy kindergarteners. “I’ve never made a girl cry after just kissing her.”
