“I think your heart might be somewhere else.” He sighs.
I sigh. He’s right, and I feel like an asshole for dragging him around just to make Jae jealous.
“I’m so sorry, Rishi,” I say. “Look…I’m rusty at this. My fiancé died three years ago. This is my first foray back into dating. I—I didn’t know about my feelings for Jae until a few hours ago.”
“Riley, I get it,” Rishi squeezes my shoulder. “But I think we should just be friends.”
I nod solemnly. We agree to take some time off from seeing each other before trying to be friends. I walk back to my building alone.
That night, once I’m in bed, I dial Jae’s number.
“Hello?” The familiar crackle.
“It’s me.”
“I know it’s you.”
“What are you doing right now?”.
“Riley.” His voice is a sunken ship.
“Yeah?” I’m an anchor.
“Can you come up here?”
The offer is incredibly tempting, and while my brain is saying,No! You’ll do bad things!I hear myself saying, “Yes, I’ll be there in five minutes.”
I quickly put on the fuzziest pink bathrobe over the rattiest T-shirt I can find, and after locking my front door, I begin climbing the two flights up the stairs, and round the corner to my old—Jae’s—apartment. That still takes some getting used to.
He opens the door, and I see him standing there, looking delicious in a black turtleneck with equally black jeans. I am in a fluffy pink bathrobe.
I’m caught off guard by him once again. His eyes are almost as black as his outfit and I’m fluttering at the thought. I am slightly out of breath, and Jae’s face is flushed a light pink.I wonder if he’s been drinking.
“Are you okay? Did you climb the stairs?” he asks.
“I did. I was in a hurry,”
“Why are you in such a rush? It’s not like I’m going anywhere.” He laughs at me.
“Can I come in?” I ask timidly. He opens the door wider to gesture me in.
“I can get you some water.” Jae swallows hard.
He hands me a glass of water that I eagerly chug down.
“Riley…I need to tell you, Riley, that I…” He says my name like a curse.
“What?” I ask. I trail off and look at my feet.
“I can’t let this go on longer,” Jae says. His face looks like I’m the one who’s given him bad news. I cross my arms and turn away from him, toward the kitchen counter.
“Let what go on?” I mumble, my hands automatically going through my hair to my temples. I look Jae in the eye, and he stares back at me with a look I haven’t seen before because I am so used to the look that precludes it. Play dumb.
He has the laser focus of someone aiming a gun at a target when he takes a step towards me. We are two countries warring over the same piece of land.
I am the heavily armed opponent, my guns aimed directly at his heart, his aimed directly at mine. He is a silent sharpshooter, his hands are the weapon of choice. They remain chivalrously by his side. My hands are my weapon of choice, and they are reaching beyond my level.
We both know where this is going and have imagined this scenario a thousand different times in the ways we have wanted,but not done. It is a ferocious, endless battle to fight any instinct I have to touch him.
