I place my forehead on the cool tile.
“Always,” I whisper, hoping the running water hides it.
When I close my eyes, I can’t tell if I’m crying. But I definitely got shampoo in my eye. Or maybe just tears.Oh, hell, help me.
Cursing quietly, I stare at the showerhead and try to stop my imagination from thinking of me looking up at Nil with something else of his dripping down my face.
***
Soon, we’re dressed and heading down to the MedBay, both of us still damp from the showers. I’m trying really hard not to think about how good he smells freshly washed, because if I think about it too much, I’m gonna start walking into walls.
Nil yawns hard enough to dislocate something. “Sleepy as hell,” he mumbles.
“Yeah, I noticed,” I say. “You were wandering around the changing room like a zombie who just discovered skincare. Honestly kind of hot.”
He frowns a bit. “What isn’t hot to you?”
“Plenty,” I say. “Taxes. Toenails. Some of Damon’s clothes. But you? You’re out here seriously hot for no reason.”
Nil rubs his eyes with the heels of his hand, and the motion is so adorable that my knees almost give out. “I’m literally exhausted,” he says.
“Yeah, and somehow you make it hot. Congrats.”
He shoots me a look. “You need help.”
“I’ve needed help for years,” I say. “You’re late on that suggestion.”
He lets out a small laugh. It’s barely a sound, but it boils my bloodstream.
Nil yawns again and rubs the back of his neck. The collar of his shirt drops a little, and I catch a peek at the inside of his collarbone and almost walk straight into a wall. “Guess I didn’t sleep enough,” he mutters.
“Do you ever?” I ask. “You toss around a lot. Like, a lot. At one point I thought you were gonna roll off the bunk, and I’d have to catch you.”
Nil’s brows pull together.
“Yeah,” I say. “You move the whole bunk.”
“You watch me sleep?”
“Well, I did when you were in a coma,” I say, because why lie. “What’s the difference if I keep doing it now?”
Nil’s mouth opens like he’s gonna say something, but nothing comes out. His cheeks get pink. Great.Perfect. I’ve broken him before breakfast. Oh, shit, we skipped breakfast.
My thumb rubs at my temple. Kys is really messing with my head. Either that or I’m just catastrophically horny for my roommate. Either way, I’m not even hungry. Well, I am, but not for food.
We’re too far from the mess hall now, and the MedBay doors are getting closer. So close that I can see the glow around the frame and feel all the words I probably shouldn’t say jumping out of my throat. “So,” I say, as casual as a heart attack, “do you remember that kiss I offered you the other night?”
Nil stops breathing. I hear it. Or maybe I feel it. He goes bright red, like someone dipped him in cherry syrup. He tries to speak. “Stan—”
“Because,” I continue before my dignity can stop me, “just letting you know it’s still on the table.”
His face goes even redder, which I honestly didn’t think was physically possible. He looks like the world’s hottest cherry. A cherry I would absolutely pop if given the chance.
His eyes dart down to my mouth, and that’s when I realize I need to run for my goddamn life before I pin him against this wall and grind him until the friction makes me come—
“Anyway!” I say way too loud. “MedBay time.”
Before Nil can get a single syllable out, I dodge sideways and sprint through the sliding doors.
