The doctor returns to my side and places the folder into my free hand. “I’ll give you three some privacy,” she says, stepping back toward the door. “Take your time. I’ll be right outside if you need me.”
The door closes with a click behind her, leaving the room quieter.
The envelope feels thin between my fingers.
I’m distantly aware that my hands have started to tremble, though the rest of me remains still.
After a deep breath in, I place the folder against my beating chest and slowly open it to take the pages out.
Numbers and abbreviations face me first, familiar enough to parse without panic.
I scan methodically, line by line, which is how I approach every unknown.
Stan leans in over my shoulder, squinting.
Lix sighs through his nose and mutters, “Only Em would know how to read that, Stan.”
Stan squints harder. “Okay, why doesn’t it just say boy or girl? This feels fucking unfair. Oh, shit, I didn’t mean to swear during—” He stops himself, then curses again under his breath.
Lix laughs a little, patting Stan.
While he reassures him, I read the data.
My vision blurs for a moment, from the sudden tightness in my eyes.
I blink and blink, letting a few tears run down.
Both their hands find my heated cheeks, wiping the wetness away.
My lower lip quivers, and an involuntary sound escapes past them.
With wet lashes, I flutter them to stare up at the two men who I’ll be sharing this new life with, along with the male infant who’ll be under our care once we welcome him into the world.
Stan stares back with big, gray eyes. Lix’s worry breaks through his teary blue. I smile wide through tears of my own.
“It’s a boy,” I whisper, my voice shaky but my heart certain.
Because I get to name our child after his father, who I miss with all my heart.
Stan makes a strangled sound that’s half a laugh, half a sob, and loosens his arms to his side.
“Okay, okay, I’m not gonna squeeze you, gorgeous,” he says quickly, voice breaking. “Iwantto. So bad. But I’m not. I’m being so responsible right now.”
He bends anyway, resting his forehead against mine instead, breathing me in.
Lix tries to hide his reaction. He turns away,hands covering his face as his shoulders shake, blue eyes between his fingers while he chuckles in relief and cries at the same time.
When he drops his hands, his cheeks are flushed red and wet, and he leans in to kiss my temple.
I don’t know how many minutes go by, but we hold each other, mumbling about our thrilling future, while celebrating the perfect life forming between us.
***
Stan talks the entire drive back, in a rapid stream of words that appear to hop from thought to thought with enthusiasm.
“A boy,” he says, tapping the steering wheel. “Aboy, Em. Do you know how wild that is? We’ll have a baby in our arms soon. He’ll be here late September, or maybe early October. That’s like, peak fall time for a baby. We get to dress him up for Halloween! So fucking cute!”
Lix hums from the back seat, his fingers on my shoulders and his thumb putting perfect pressure below my nape.
