Of course, I was completely mortified that he caught me creeping like that and squeaked out how sorry I was while yanking an apron out of the basket before running away. He called my name out in a panic as I snagged my keys and bolted from the house to rush to work. Thankfully, he didn't bring it up again, and there wasn't any awkwardness between us like I thought there would be. That's the thing about Gage. He's just so damn steady, like a rock. I need that, so I can't let myself think of him that way. I can't think of any of them that way.
We eat quickly and then load everything up in the back of my old Jeep Liberty before I drive him to the small airport that serves our town. He'll fly to Edmonton and then change planes there to fly him up into the deep Alberta bush.
Gage drops his large pack to the pavement and pulls me in for a hug. I melt into his chest and close my eyes. I hate when he goes north. I'm going to miss him so much. His days off have been cut short this rotation. Some kind of screw-up at the mine has him flying up early to replace someone.
"I'll FaceTime you when I get to camp. What time will you be home from work?"
I pull back from his arms and look up at him. "My shift's over at nine so I should be home a half hour after that." I reach up and push some of his hair off his forehead.
“Be safe, please?”
His blue eyes darken with uncertainty before clearing and he smooths a hand down my hair.
“Listen, when I get back, we should talk some more about the whole dating thing. I think you’re right. It’s time.”
My stomach clenches at the idea of him, of any one of them, seriously dating someone, but I just slowly nod. It’s not fair of me to keep them all to myself. They’ve all done so much for me and they deserve to have lives that don’t involve taking care of their dead best friend’s broken little sister. I step away from himand back up until I bump into the Jeep and force some happy into my tone.
“Have a safe flight!”
He gives me a concerned look but then nods, slings his bag over his shoulder, and walks to the doors of the airport. I should go, but I stay put watching his broad back as he walks away. Suddenly, I feel like crying, like I’m about to lose him for some reason. I shake my head at my internal dramatics and sniff back the stupid tears. I clearly have abandonment issues that I need to talk more in-depth about with my therapist. Just before he reaches the doors, Gage turns to look over his shoulder at me and gives me a smile and a wink before disappearing through them. That’s all it takes to settle me. Gage might find someone to love one day but he’ll always be there for me, no matter what; they all will be.
I drive home and unload the Costco haul while Penny, my golden retriever, races back and forth from the kitchen to the garage door in her version of ‘helping’ me unload before I let her out the back door so she can do her business. Once the last tray of meat has been put in the fridge so I can portion it out into meal-sized freezer bags later, I stand in the silence and look around at the house I inherited from my parents when they died, and my hands start to shake a little. I know I said I’d be fine but this really is the first time in two years I’ve been alone here for more than a few hours and it kind of rocks me. The last time I felt this way I… I push the memories of that time away. I’d erase them completely if I could. It was the lowest moment of my grief and I made a bad decision in a dark moment that will never happen again.
Other than one year in Calgary for university, I’ve lived in this house my whole life. It’s a rambling four-level split with five bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, and a walk-out basement located on a ridge that overlooks town. My dad, like a lot ofpeople in our province, worked in the oil industry. He made a great living as an engineer and was just talking about retirement when the accident happened. The house, cars, the motorcoach that they had just bought to tour around in for retirement, and all their finances passed to me when they died. I would give it all back in an instant to have them here instead.
I let Penny back in when she scratches at the door and then walk through the rooms as the silence presses down on me. I run my hand over the cherry wood of the huge dining room table where every Sunday my parents would host family dinner for my brother and me and all the boys that they semi-adopted into our family. Over my teenage years, the chairs kept filling with more people that included Gage's grandfather, Reid’s sister- Kara, and the five boys that made up Atlas’s best friends. Tears sting my eyes as I glance around the table at the chairs where four of them now stay empty at every meal and wish I had the power to turn the clock back to fill them again.
Anger spikes past the sadness when my eyes focus on the fourth chair that stays empty. It wasn’t only my brother and parents that I lost that tragic night. My nails bite into my palms as I flash to the scene in the hospital when it happened.
There had been a dull roar pounding in my ears as the doctor’s sympathy-filled expression and condolences hung heavy in the air. A loud bang broke through the roar that was dampening my reaction to his news when the stairwell door slammed open andheran through it. He slid to a stop at the sight of us, just as my legs gave out as the reality of what the doctor had said finally penetrated. A scream of denial tore from my lips as I crashed to my knees in devastation. The worst moment of my life got even worse when he turned on his heel and walked back out the door. I haven’t seen him since.
Penny nuzzles my clenched fist with a low whine, breaking me from the painful memory. I give her a scratch between herears and then lift my hand and give his empty chair the finger. My cheeks heat up when I realize that I technically just broke my no swearing streak, but I toss my ponytail back over my shoulder and glance down at Penny.
“You won’t tell, right? I mean, if no one hears it or sees it, then it doesn’t count, right?”
She chuffs in agreement like the angel on earth that she is, so I turn away from the empty table and go get her a doggie cookie in reward for having my back.
Chapter 2 - Luna
I pull into the parking lot ten minutes before my shift starts but before I can get out of the Jeep, my phone rings with a FaceTime call from Jules. The camera on his end shakes and bounces around before focusing on both his and Reid’s faces. A grin spreads over my mouth as I take in their sun-flushed faces and dopey looking eyes. They don’t even need to speak for me to know that they’re wasted.
“Hobby! I miss your face!” Reid gushes loudly as he sways beside an eye-rolling Jules, making me grin even harder.
“Hi, guys! How’s the music festival? Are you having fun?”
Jules flips his arm around Reid to steady him and nods. “Yeah, there’s some great acts but the sun is fucking brutal. My baked is baked.”
I laugh and shake my head as he uses the pads of his fingers to tap lightly on his sunburned cheekbones and nose.
“Well, maybe ease off the booze and pot and suck back some water in the shade for a bit. Or, at least get some sunscreen on.”
He rolls his eyes again and they both stagger to the side slightly when Reid tries to move his face closer to the camera instead of just pulling it closer to his face. They’re totally hammered.
“S’okay, going back to the hotel now.” Reid slurs.
Jules yanks the phone from his hand and pans it around the crowded area they’re in before focusing it back on his face.
“Yeah, if we can ever get a fucking Uber! This is the pick-up area. It’s almost as packed as the main stage crowd. It’ll be at least an hour before we can get a car.” He swipes his dark blond hair back from his flushed face and squints into the camera. “What’s happening there?”
