“Why were you talking to Lamar Anderson last weekend?” she asked.
I continued walking.
When I arrived at the back of the store, I saw the modest selection of plus-sized clothing and sighed. After scanning everything, I managed to find one sundress and one shirt that I liked. I took a picture and was just about to send it to the group chat.
“He acted like he knew you,” Olivia stated from somewhere behind me. “How couldyoupossibly know his fine ass?”
I didn’t bother to turn around. “Why are you talking to me?”
“Why not?”
My lip curled in disgust as I turned to look at her. “Why not?!” I spat her question back at her in disbelief. “Girl, please.”
She feigned confusion. “I know you’re not still mad about what happened when we were kids. You’re going to have to heal and let that go, sis.”
“I’m not your sis.”
“Well, then let me get to the point.” She stepped up. “Lamar Anderson isn’t active on social media, so he hasn’t seen my DMs. Do you know how to get in touch with him?”
“Why would I tell you anything? I don’t fuck with you.”
“I didn’t think so. It was a long shot to think you knew anything anyway,” she said. “Were you two just next to each other randomly, or was it a Make-A-Wish situation?”
I snatched the garments I liked from the rack and stormed away.
“You have to know you could never pull someone like him, Jummy!” she yelled behind me.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I stopped in my tracks and took a deep breath. I’d taken kickboxing classes off and on since ninth grade and boxing lessons for the last five years. Everything in me wanted to throw my stuff down and roundhouse kick that arrogant look off her face. But I knew that was what she wanted. She wanted to be able to go back and tell everyone that I lost it on her “for no reason.” Everyone would paint her as the innocent victim and me as the big, bad bully.
I’m not going to give her the satisfaction.
Forcing my feet forward, I went to pay for my items. I was cussing her out in my head the entire time. I was still irritated when I arrivedat the rehab center, so I sat in the car for a while. It wasn’t that I was holding on to childhood trauma. Therapy, relocation, my aunt, and time had me make peace with how I’d grown up, how my hometown disregarded me, and how being bullied had affected me.
But strangers in Chance treating me as if I didn’t matter or didn’t exist got under my skin. And Olivia and her friends were trying to piss me off in present day. On top of that, and much more importantly, my aunt was losing her spark with each passing day. I was already not in a good space, but to hearJummyand to be taunted by the monsters of Chance had pushed me over the edge.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Breathing heavily, I slumped against the headrest. I didn’t know if I wanted to scream again or cry. It was all too much, and I just wanted the feelings to go away. So, when my phone rang, I almost didn’t even look at it. I didn’t feel like talking. I didn’t feel like explaining to anyone what was going on. I didn’t feel like feeling everything I was feeling. When I picked up the phone to end the call, I paused.
Lamar.
Everything disappeared with Lamar.
Breathing out the frustration and anger swirling within me, I quickly answered the phone. “Hello?”
“Hey, what’s up?” Lamar greeted me. “You good?”
“I’m…” I exhaled. “I’m better now. I’m glad you called.”
“What’s going on?”
There was something about him that made me want to open up. But I loved the fact that he didn’t know about my aunt, my ex-husband, or my childhood trauma. I loved that he didn’t see me through the lens of my pain. I loved that he didn’t treat me like I was wounded. He didn’t see my baggage. He just saw me. And I wanted to hold on to that for as long as possible.
“It’s just been a day,” I answered, sidestepping everything I was going through. “I needed to hear a friendly voice, so I’m glad you called. What are you up to?”
“I’m on lunch break. We’re almost done with my mom’s garden. Once she figures out how she wants the walkway to look, Bill and I can knock it out and be done with it.”
“You’ve been putting in work all week! I know you’re going to be glad when you get a day off.”
