Nina pointed at my stomach. “We have to get you something to eat because if it keeps going, I’m going to have to freestyle.”
“You can’t rap,” Aaliyah argued. “And I won’t be subjected to your nonsense.”
Nina cocked her head to the side. “I know somebody else who can’t rap, and a few months ago, you subjected yourself tohisnonsense. In the kitchen if I’m not mistaken.”
A laughed bubbled up from the depths of me at the mention of Matthew, Aaliyah’s ex-situationship. It was the first deep laugh I’d had since Aunt Addy died. The sound echoed in all the hollow spaces inside me. The laugh turned into a cry as I hugged my best friends.
“I love you both so much,” I cried.
“We love you, too,” they said in unison.
I wiped my face with the bottom of my shirt and then grabbed their hands. Looking between them, I took a breath. “This summer was hard. It was the first time I had to confront that Aunt Addy wasn’t getting better. I wanted to pretend like she wasn’t dying, and I couldn’t do that with either of you. You know me too well. So Ididn’t talk to you as much, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you”—I looked at Aaliyah—“while you were on your dating spree”—I looked at Nina—“and while you were taking the fashion world by storm.”
I covered my face with my hands and dried my tears. “I’m so sorry. And it had nothing to do with anything you were doing except asking me if I’m okay. It had everything to do with the fact that I knew you could see through my bullshit, so I couldn’t pretend or hide. If I told you everything was fine, you’d know it wasn’t, and I wasn’t ready to face that. You two were the first people to ever really get me outside of Aunt Addy. So I’m sorry for how I retreated this summer. It won’t happen again.”
“Jazz… it’s okay,” Nina assured me. “As long as you know you can talk to us, that’s all that matters. Everyone processes things differently. And I’m sure it was even harder for you since you were there with Aunt Addy for her last days. You handled it the best way you saw fit.”
“Yeah,” Aaliyah agreed. “When my sister died, it was so sudden, I was in shock. I probably would’ve withdrawn from everyone for a minute, too, if I had to watch her die slowly. Losing the person who first saw you for you is hard.”
I nodded, knowing she understood what that was like.
We spent the rest of the morning talking and eating and listening to music. They left around two o’clock, and before the door closed, I poked my head out of it.
“I’m happy for how this summer has changed your lives for the better,” I called behind them.
“You, too,” Nina replied.
“I know you’re grieving now, but this summer definitely changed you for the better, too. It may not feel like it right now, but it’s evident,” Aaliyah acknowledged.
I waved goodbye to them.
Thirty minutes later, I received a call from Lamar.
“Hi,” I answered.
“How are you?” he asked.
“I’m okay.” And I really was. “Nina and Aaliyah came over thismorning. They helped me pick out what I’m going to wear to the memorial service.”
I caught him up on Aunt Addy’s party and all the pertinent details.
“I wish I could be there with you,” he said. “Depending on how the game goes tomorrow, I’m gonna ask Coach Rice if I can miss Saturday’s practice so I can be there for you on Friday.”
“I would like that, but I don’t want you to jeopardize your standing on the team for the service,” I told him. “Your mom and stepdad are going to be there, so they can represent you.”
“Yeah, but I still want to be there. I know how much Aunt Addy means to you.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I just wish I could’ve finished my list for her…” I tried to swallow the swell of emotion that bubbled up. “I wish there were more time.”
“You said she gave you until the end of the year.”
“Yeah, but I wish she could’ve been here to see me do it,” I choked out.
“What do you have left to do on your list?”
“Just… go to a game and pay off my student loans.”
“I can… I got you covered. With both. With either. With whatever you need.”
