I heard the hesitation in the breath he took before he spoke. “Jazz.”
Even though it stung, I knew the league was a business, and all press was good press until it wasn’t. And because the manager and agent got a cut of whatever Lamar got, it would make sense that the fifty-thousand-dollar loss would make me seem like a liability.
“From the beginning, I wanted to help you because I believe in you. But I’m bad for your brand.” I swallowed the sob that threatened to escape. “So, if helping you and supporting you means walking away, then I’ll do what needs to be done.”
“What the hell are you doing, Jazz? No. This isn’t the answer.”
“Tell me that they didn’t say you should distance yourself from me. Tell me they didn’t say it,” I insisted, knowing he wouldn’t lie to me.
“It doesn’t matter what they said.”
“Did it come up?”
“Yes.”
Even though I’d known the answer, it still felt like a punch to the gut. “You always talk about how you want to protect me, and I love that. Now it’s my turn to protect you. And I love you enough to protect you from losing everything you’ve built.”
“Jazz—”
“I have to go now,” I said, my voice cracking. “But I… I love you.”
“I love you, too. So don’t do this.”
“Good night, Lamar.”
He didn’t say anything for a solid thirty seconds. “Good night, Jazmyn.”
As soon as the call ended, I sobbed.
Jazmyn Payne:Please understand where I’m coming from. I’m doing this for you. I want us to figure this out, but not at the expense of your career.
Lamar Anderson:I’ve already figured it out. You call me when you do.
His words hit me in the dead center of my chest, and I thought about them for the next two days.
Wednesdays and Thursdays were always Lamar’s longer practice days, but outside of a good morning and good night text, we didn’t speak. I was devastated but I knew that Lamar’s career would be better off. But on Friday, the anxiety I felt was almost debilitating. Just getting through the day was tough because everything reminded me of him.
“Are you going to be at the game tonight?” Drea asked me as she and Gianna strolled into my classroom toward the end of the day. “We got shirts made with our boyfriends’ numbers on them, and we wanted to show you!”
“You’re our inspiration,” Gianna squealed.
“I’m really happy for the both of you,” I told them, putting my phone away. “Make sure you’re treating each other with respect.”
They both nodded profusely. “Yes, ma’am.”
Gianna looked around to make sure everyone had left. “If you want us to give you the name of the store that did our shirts, you can get one made for your boyfriend’s game.”
I almost broke into tears right then.
To disguise my heartache, I just shook my head. “You two won’t quit, will you? Get to your next class!”
They laughed as they ran out of the room.
But I didn’t feel like laughing.
Unfortunately, the day dragged, and when I finally made it home, all I wanted to do was climb into bed.
With Lamar.
