“So what your teammates, your coaches, and your ex-girlfriend, who you confirmed will stay an ex via your conversation with TJ Smith, say about you is true: Football is your main priority and the love of your life.”
A look crossed his face. He slid his hand over his jaw. “Football is my first love, but it’s not the love of my life.”
The interviewer seemed to pick up on the same thing I’d picked up on. “What, or who, is the love of your life?”
“My personal life has nothing to do with anybody but me and the woman I’m with.”
“So, you are with someone?”
“Fuck it, yeah, I am,” he answered in frustration.
It was apparent he was still thinking about what he’d just found out.
“Do you love her?” the interviewer wondered.
Without hesitation, he nodded. “Yes.”
Students coming into the classroom forced me to hitPAUSEand slip the earbuds out of my ears. I put my phone away and got back to my job. But in the back of my mind, I couldn’t stop seeing Lamar’s expression when he’d learned that he’d lost only because of me. I thought about that look on his face for the rest of the day.
My stomach twisted into a knot.
I knew we had to have a hard conversation when I got off work.
Lamar Anderson:Some stuff came up during that live interview and now I have a meeting with the defensive coaches at three o’clock and then a meeting with my manager. I’ll tell you about it when you get off. But it doesn’t look like I’ll be in Richland tonight. Call me when you can.
My hand started to shake, and my eyes started to water.
Even if Lamar didn’t care what the people on the internet thought, he absolutely cared what his coaches thought. And if they thought it was for the best, I wouldn’t even be upset with him for doing what he needed to do. It was what I’d considered ever since I realized my presence in his life was distracting from his gameplay.
But the thought of his coaches calling him in on his day off to address what he’d said in his interview made it real.
I took a deep breath.
Jazmyn Payne:Is everything okay? I’m sad I won’t see you, but I understand.
I started to typeI love you, but I deleted it. Swallowing hard, I wrote a different message.
Jazmyn Payne:You prayed for and worked hard for this opportunity so, within reason, whatever you need to do to make sure your dream isn’t deferred, I understand. Nothing and no one can dim how bright your star shines. You were crafted with divine purpose, and you were born to walk in your power.
When the final bell of the day rang, I rushed home. As soon as I arrived, I called Aaliyah and Nina. After filling them in on everything, I hoped something,anythingmy best friends said would make me feel better or, at the very least, prepare me for the conversation I needed to have.
“I thought you told him about the defensive-player thing,” Aaliyah said as I paced across the room.
“I told him that people were questioning his leadership and on-the-field play because of me, but I couldn’t bring myself to get specific,” I informed them. “I didn’t want him to equate me with the demise of his opportunities. But I told him there was stuff online, and I just assumed he’d check like he had before. But he looked so caught off guard…” I stopped walking and squeezed my eyes shut. “I don’t know what’s about to happen.”
“Exactly,” Nina said calmly. “So don’t stress. Just breathe. Have you talked to him since the meeting?”
I looked at the time. “It’s seven o’clock. His meetings should’vebeenover, and I haven’t heard from him.” I felt the fire in my throat and the sting behind my eyes. “What if they bench him? Or worse…”
“If they bench him, that will hurt the team, so they wouldn’t do that… right?” Aaliyah asked.
“If they feel like his personal life is a distraction, they could.” I swallowed around the lump that was forming. “They’d put it under the guise of ‘conduct detrimental to the team.’”
“But what is the detrimental conduct?” Nina questioned in frustration. “You know, it’s funny how it’s onlycertainplayers who get scrutinized and penalized.”
“Exactly!” I damn near yelled. “And if he were to push back, then he’s difficult and selfish, and they’ll create the narrative that he’s not that good, not worth the headache and not worth the money. Just like they did to that quarterback who took a knee for what he believed in and the kid in the draft because of his famous dad. They will work together as an organization to ‘put him in his place’ for not doing what they say. I don’t want that to happen to him. But Icannotbe the reason that happens to him.”
“I know you like to consider the worst-case scenario,” Aaliyah started gently. “But I think you should wait until you hear from him before jumping to the destruction of his career.”
