“Don’t read the comments. Don’t ever read the comments.”
“It’s not that…”
The comments were problematic and mean, but everyone saying he didn’t want to be with me wouldn’t bother me if he actually wanted to be with me.
He studied me. Taking his thumb, he caressed my cheek. “What’s wrong?”
“I…” The words got lodged in my throat and I just exhaled.
“I’m sorry, Jazz,” he apologized.
The care and tenderness in his tone were going to make me emotional. The way he looked at me and the way he treated me didn’t make sense with his lack of a response about us being together. Swallowing my feelings down, I felt the weight of it in my belly.
You told me what it was from the beginning.
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” I told him shakily.
“All I want to do is protect you.”
“You can’t protect me from everything.”
“That doesn’t mean I won’t try.” He took a half step back. “From the moment I met you, I’ve wanted to do everything in my power to make sure you’re good, to protect you, to look out for you, to make you happy. But with those assholes online…” He shook his head. “You’re getting all this attention that I know you hate because of me… and it fucking kills me. And yeah, fuck them because they don’t matter, butyou matter.”
“This isn’t on you. It’s on them. And that’s not…” I closed my eyes and let my head fall back.
“Talk to me,” he whispered. “I need you to tell me what it is you want from me.”
My arms slowly slid from his shoulders as my heart raced. “No, I need you to tellmewhat it is you want from me.”
“Everything. I want everything from you.”
Confusion washed over me as I stared at the gorgeous man in front of me who was clearly playing in my face. But my brain didn’t send the memo to my body because I still craved his body on mine.
“I told you what I wanted from you, and you saidnothing.” I put my hand on his chest. “Which told meeverything.”
“It wasn’t like that.” He grabbed my hand and brought my wrist to his face, kissing my tattoo. “You said it, a good twenty seconds passed, your phone rang, and then you left.”
“Because if you wanted to be in a relationship with me, would you have hesitated?”
“I didn’t hesitate. I was thinking.”
My eyebrows flew up. “You needed tothinkabout it?” I pulled my hand from him and raked my fingers through my locs. “That’s not a good sign.”
“Jazmyn.”
“Lamar.”
“One of the first things you told me was that you weren’t interested in a relationship, and then the only time you’ve ever said anything about wanting to be locked in with me was after I made that pussy talk to me.”
In my defense, I’d never come three times in a row like that before.
He tried to back away, but I grabbed his shirt and pulled him back close.
“No, if we’re going to get into it, let’s get into it,” I argued softly. “Yes, I said I wasn’t interested in a relationshipbecause I wasn’t. And then I got to know you, and I caught feelings. I’m not sure of the exact moment it happened, but I came to the realizationbeforeI actually said it.” I let go of his shirt and reached up to touch his beard. “You told me you wanted me to feel all the ways in which you wanted me, and then you fucked me like you…”
Love me.
I swallowed hard before I continued. “Like you wanted to be with me. So I don’t understand how me responding to that with ‘I want to be with you’ is inappropriate.”
