“I hear what you’re saying completely, and I’m not invalidating that. But I want you to get out of your head. Don’t overthink this because it was practice. It wasn’t the game; it was just practice.”
“I just don’t want to do it in the game.”
“It’s unlikely you will. But even if you do, it’s okay. That’s what linebackers are for… they are backing the line.”
He was quiet for a moment. “You’re right,” he murmured.
“And maybe you needed to miss a tackle today to remember that you are not meant to be perfect. You are meant to playyourgame. Because perfection doesn’t exist, remember?” When he didn’t say anything, I asked another question. “What do you think the difference is between today and when it happened at the beginning of the season?”
The silence was so absolute, I had to pull the phone away from my ear to make sure he hadn’t hung up.
“I wasn’t on the active roster when it happened before,” he answered finally. “I don’t want to fuck this up.”
“When there’s love and respect for what you’re passionate about, you won’t fuck it up. What’s for you is for you. And it’s been clear from the moment I met you that football is your passion. It’s your first love. It’s your gift. So I know you won’t fuck it up.”
I heard him breathing, quietly mulling over what I’d said.
He cleared his throat. “I’m glad you’re in my life.”
“I’m glad you’re in mine.”
27
Nina Ford:I know how you feel about the amount of attention being directed at you, but this video popped up and the love on that video was worth sharing and the comments passed the vibe check. Here’s the link.
Jazmyn Payne:I’ve been trying to stay off social media but I’m glad to know someone is being kind. Thank you for the heads up. Lamar isn’t on social media but it’s only a matter of time before he hears about all of this bullshit.
Nina Ford:Well, let the love you see on this post remind you that the bullshit on the other posts is just that—bullshit.
I clicked on the link she sent and waited.
“I’m sure you’ve all seen the viral photo of the football sensation Hollywood Anderson out with a plus-sized baddie on his arm. It’s causing a stir because so many people want to believe that if you have extra fat on your body, you can’t get a good-looking, successful professional athlete. Hell, they act like you can’t get a man, period! They want you to believe that your fat body can keep you from the love you seek. But truth be told, there are a lot of big women who are being loved out loud. There’s a narrative that most ‘quality’ men don’t want us, and even though we know that’s not the truth, the media wants us to believe it is because it’s a profitable narrative. This woman is beautiful! She looks happy! And the dress is fire!”
I clicked on the comments section, and it seemed like hundreds of people agreed.
I smiled slightly.
Nina was right. It was nice to hear that sentiment after receiving so much negativity. But I still hated that they were talking about me at all. I hated that my picture was floating around the internet, being dissected by people who didn’t know me or Lamar.
But maybe the tide is starting to turn.
I was hopeful that the bright spot of positive commentary meant all the nonsense would die down. Once it died down, maybe people would stop caring and there wouldn’t be any extra attention directed toward me.
And then they can just focus on how great of an athlete Lamar is.
I decided to hide out in my classroom for my lunch period. I wasn’t hungry, and I could tell that the rumors were circulating by how often I was getting stares. I sat in the blind spot in the corner of my classroom, and usually, I tuned everything out. But boys talking in the hallway seemed louder than normal.
“You should go to the dance with Alexis,” a boy said, seemingly from in front of my classroom door. “You’d be dumb as hell to pass up on that, AJ.”
“I got somebody else in mind,” AJ replied.
“Who?”
“Gianna.”
“Gianna has a cute face. But, bruh, Alexis is acheerleader!”
“Thenyouask her to the dance. I’m asking Gianna.”
