I take a breath and think about the defeat in her eyes whenever she’d come back from another appointment that led to a whole lot of nothing. I hated how she wanted to impress her parents, especially her father, to no avail. She’d make herself show up every day on that ice until she literally collapsed in the middle of it and started crying uncontrollably.
Emaly is not a crier.
I knew something was wrong that day.
Even her mother, as emotionally absent as she tended to be, could see it.
“Her father cut her off in so many ways, and I hated that. It wasn’t Emaly’s intention to disappoint him. She simply wanted to do what would makeherhappy and successful. She spent a lot of time at my foster home, speaking to my foster mother about her husband’s schooling, and even got a reference letter that helped her get into college. She managed to do all of that on her own with loans, scholarships, and organic connections she made in the community. Em thought if she could prove to her father that she could make a name for herself, he’d be proud of her.”
Winter wets her lips. “But that wasn’t the case.”
“No,” I murmur, fisting my hands. “It wasn’t. And I’m not sure if it was the stress of it all or something else that made her ten times sicker than she’d ever been. We decided to room together in a two-bedroom apartment that we could barelyafford when we were straight out of high school. We both went to college and tried to help each other as best we could. I got a decent athletic scholarship, and her grades earned her an academic scholarship that covered a solid three quarters of her undergrad tuition. But she was starting to deteriorate in front of my eyes. Losing weight. Losing sleep. Losing hair. She’d get headaches all the time. Stutter. All of these strange things that had never happened before. The pain came back, but worse. She was losing focus and struggling in school, but she didn’t have any health insurance because her father took her off of his as punishment for going her own way.
“I worked a shitty job that had decent health benefits, so I told her I wanted to help. She didn’t agree at first. In fact, she told me my idea was ridiculous and foolhardy. But then…” My jaw clenches. “Then I got scouted and eventually signed as a rookie to the Pittsburgh Penguins and had to start traveling for training camp and preseason games. I wasn’t around as much. She was still in school, so she stayed behind. I felt bad and talked to her every day to check in. But one day, I got a call from a neighbor who sounded frantic, saying she had found Emaly on the ground outside our building. She was having a seizure. The first one ever. And I wasn’t there, and I couldn’t be there for hours.”
I close my eyes and relive that fear, having no idea what I would have done if something worse had happened. If she’d hit her head on the stone pathway or fallen down the three small steps and broken something.
It’d been déjà vu for me, remembering the way my mother’s crumpled body had been lying on the ground outside our house. The difference was that I wasn’t there to save Emaly. To call 911. I wasn’t there, and I hated myself for it. Because, unlike my mother, I’dwantedto save my best friend.
I’m glad our neighbor was there and called for help, but I still beat myself up for not being the one who found her. Who encouraged her to get checked out sooner when she always complained about her head hurting and having dizzy spells.
“When they found a tumor on her brain, she finally agreed to my plan. Regardless of how ridiculous it was. So, we got married. She needed health insurance to cover all the scans, bloodwork, and specialists so that it wouldn’t bankrupt her. She was already paying for her own schooling; she didn’t need the medical bills to pile up too.”
Winter stares at me for a long time, her hand pausing over Oreo’s back until the kitten mewls in protest. “You married her for health insurance,” she whispers, more to herself than me.
All I reply with is, “She’s my best friend. I would do anything for her.”
I’m not sure why, but Winter closes her eyes as if looking at me is too painful. Maybe it is. This is a lot. The truth has been something I’ve held on my shoulders for years, not saying it to a soul. I needed to protect Emaly—needed to protect myself in ways too.
Until…I couldn’t.
Because Iwoulddo anything for my best friend, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t lonely. I wanted companionship. Love of my own. Things that she couldn’t give me on the levels I desired them.
For a long time, I didn’t think I deserved it.
But I want to believe I do.
And when I met Winter Bronte on that first day with a giant coffee stain on her shirt and an attitude that stirred something in my chest, I felt something click into place.
“That doesn’t explain Ronnie,” Winter says, finally opening her eyes.
Ah. Yes. “Emaly and I never talked about relationships. We’d never entertained one between us, and she never spoke about her sexuality. We were friends, and that was that. We talked about everythingexceptdating. I didn’t think much about it because we were both young and busy with building our futures. I chalked it up to a lack of interest in getting into a relationship and nothing more.”
Maybe that was naive of me, and there were signs I missed. But I’ve thought about it over the years, and she kept that part of her locked away for a long time. I assume it’s because she refused to accept it, knowing it would be another problem for her father, and that’s just sad.
“She met Ronnie during her residency,” I tell Winter, remembering the way Emaly would light up whenever she video-called me to tell me about her day. At first, I assumed it was because she was excited about the next phase in her career. I quickly learned it had more to do with the pretty blond girl she worked with. “She likes to refer to it as aGrey’s Anatomyworthy meeting. They were both surgical interns trying to make it in the medical world. That’s when Emaly admitted that always knew she liked women, but never acted on it. Not until Ronnie came into her life and things clicked into place for her.
“I won’t lie, Winter. There was a time when I was younger that I thought I had a chance with her. Mostly because she was all I ever knew. She was kind, caring, loving, and I felt as though she was the best I could do because she was familiar. I loved her; I still love her. But it was never more than friends, and it took me a while to understand the difference.”
Winter stares down at the cat, her lips twitching downward only for a microsecond before neutralizing again. “I think there can be more than one type of soulmate in our lives. She’s one of yours.”
And are you another?It’s a question I don’t ask, because I don’t want to scare her. But the pull I have toward her makes me answer the question for myself.
“Emaly’s father is a very traditional man,” I continue, the thought souring my mood. “He barely tolerated her marrying me. But a woman…Well, that’s certainly not what he had planned for her. As much as I encouraged her to be honest about who she was, she didn’t want to. Not to her father, mother, or brother. To my knowledge, nobody knows or suspects a thing, except for a very tight-knit group of their friends in California. And that secret lifestyle worked for a while for her…until things started getting serious between her and Ronnie. They were on and off for a while, mostly because of our situation, but it was obvious that they’re each other’s person. She found the love of her life and has risked it every single day because of her father’s opinion.”
And now…
Now it’s out there. Now she’s going to face the wrath of Mikhail Yokav, and I don’t think she cares anymore. And as much as I wish she’d given me more warning, I’m happy for her. I’m happy for Ronnie and what that means for them. It’s been a long time coming. I just don’t think she knows what she’s in for. The media will praise her for being brave enough to come out and attack her for lying at the same time. There are always two sides to every story, and allies for each of those narratives.
